Yesterday we were hosting a tea-party for our female clients at Diolli.com. It was a warm summer Sunday and we have decided to organize it in the park to catch some sun and to gossip a little about dating.

We had a special guest who has attended – our happy pregnant engaged client who has met her soul-mate – our male client this winter at Diolli.com. She has shared with us her experience about the second date with her future husband. They went to the historical museum and were accompanied by our interpreter, because English of the lady at that moment was rather limited. While listening to the guide and looking around our client has confessed that she was watching her date. He was listening attentively to the guide. She felt a strong urge to kiss his check. She said that for 10 minutes she was thinking about that, but there was the interpreter there and the museum guide and it was just the second date so she has decided that it will look strange and desperate if she kisses him. As you already know this story has a happy end and I am really excited to be invited to their wedding. I love my clients’ weddings! They inspire me to spread the love.

Another lady has shared her experience of the second date. She had a second date with the American gentleman. She said that she was not really impressed with the first date with him, but has decided to give it another try and to go out with him again. It was a hot summer day and after the long walk in the park they have decided to have some drinks at the small café. The gentleman has shared several stories with the lady about his dating experience and has mentioned several ex-girlfriends, so the mood of the lady was already spoiled. After these stories he has tried to hold her hand but she has put her both palms around the glass of water, which in her mind gave him a readable signal not to hold her hand.

She has already started to think of the excuse to finish the date and to leave when the gentleman told her he would like to show her a video that will “show her his inner world”. He has showed her a two minutes video of the sexual scene from the thriller. After that the lady has excused herself and left. She had no intentions to “dig” into that inner world anymore.

After that story another young girl has decided to share her experience. She went out on a date with a handsome gentleman from Australia. They have met at a beautiful lounge bar at the roof of the 5-star hotel that has a fantastic view at the city. During the beginning of date he was witty, intelligent and sweet, and he bought her beautiful flowers that have brought a huge smile to her face, but according to the lady there were 3 things he has mentioned that made her feel uncomfortable.

First of all he has mentioned that he never does flowers for the first date, but this time his matchmaker – myself – has convinced him to bring flowers to create special romantic atmosphere. With the bouquet the gentleman already made so many points in the eyes of the lady, and of course he has lost all those points after those words.

After that he has asked the lady if she has ever stayed in that hotel for a night. She said that she didn’t and she felt that he looked disappointed. In the mind of the lady there were questions like “Does he expect us to have sex after the first date?”, “Do I look like a girl who will have sex after the first date?”, “Should I return him the flowers if it was not his own idea to give them to me?”, “Is he here just to have sex?”, “He looks hot so perhaps he gets the girls easily?”, “Will he be a good father if we get married?”.

While these thoughts were hunting her the gentleman has asked her another question “Did you ever have sex after the first date”? This was the moment she has realized that he tries to convince her to have sex with him. She said for about 10 minutes she has blamed the dress. Perhaps it was too short or maybe too blue. What has made that gorgeous man think she will have sex with him right after the date? Then she has thought is was some sort of a test –“if she says “yes”, he will think she is easy to get, if she says “no” he will think she is too cold. Anyway, she has decided it would be safe to run. In the taxi on her way back home she was thinking about the date, handsome Australian gentleman, her dress and the flowers. They never had a second date.

So when is the right time to ask the Ukrainian girl about sex? As a professional matchmaker I would recommend you to think about your intentions first. Do you want to get her phone number and ask her out on the first, second or third date? If your answer is “yes” then don’t touch the sex topic. You will make your date feel uncomfortable and perhaps she will say “no” and give you the wrong phone number.

Two of my female clients in their late forties have mentioned that they would find it flattering and attractive if the gentleman on the first or second date will call them “sexy” or “seductive”.

 One 27 years old divorced client of mine has confessed that she had sex after the first date when she has just started to date again after her divorce. She said that she didn’t manage to develop those dates into relationship so she regrets about them.

Another 37 years old client of mine has confessed that she and her date (my 47 years old male client) had sex the first night after his second trip to Ukraine. She said that they have built so much of sexual energy during their night-skypes (and they were skyping for 5 weeks after 2 weeks of off-line dating in Ukraine) that it was natural to invite him over to stay for a night. She even has planned beforehand what to cook him for breakfast.

35 years old divorced mother has confessed that she and her date had sex after 5 off line dates and three weeks in between of messages and emails. He didn’t propose to her after all but she has no regrets. At the moment she dates another foreign gentleman and plans not to rush things.

Our 22 years old female client has sabotaged her first date with a gentleman from Israel by wearing a dress he found “too provocative”.

Dear gentleman, first date often resembles the chess game. Before starting the game always think, what do you want to achieve – to win or to let the person in front of you win. When you ask the lady out on a date ask yourself “what do I want”? Do I want to have a great time and to really get to know a person in front of me? Do I just want to eat my steak not alone? Do I want to share lots of stories about my life? Do I want to have sex tonight? What do I want to feel after the date? Think about this emotion and keep it in mind during the date.

I wish you all strong mutual love and great sex with the right person!

Svetlana Mukha, with love