Today I want to discuss the topic of correspondence and long-distance communication. I was inspired to this topic by a client of mine who just refuses to understand how to communicate with the ladies online.

Rule number 1. “Don’t act crazy”

If you have sent lady a message in skype, messenger or chat and the lady didn’t respond to you straight away don’t send her 10 messages asking why she doesn’t respond. Of course if you have agreed on the exact time then this rule doesn’t apply. However, if you didn’t agree on the exact time do not send her 10 messages. My client for example if the lady, myself or my manager do not answer him a minute after his message was sent sends dots until we write him back that we are busy. He could text at night, on the weekend, early in the morning.  Three ladies he was skyping with have assumed “he was crazy”.

Rule number 2. “Busy means busy”

If the lady has written you back in the messenger, skype or viber that she is busy at the moment this actually means she is busy. She can be in the overcrowded bus and the stranger can be trying to read what she is texting. She can be doing homework with her child, having coffee with her friend whom she meets once in several weeks. She can be speaking to her boss, carrying heavy bags from the supermarket, trying to relax at yoga class or working out in gym. If the lady has texted you that she is busy respect her and don’t text her 10 new messages ignoring the “busy” word. The only thing that you can ask is “when can we text or skype?”.

Rule number 3. Be very careful with the names

The same client of mine has straggled to remember the names of the ladies he was talking to. He could easily call Tatiana by the name of his ex Irina. Of course this didn’t make Tatiana happier and more interested in him.

Rule number 4. Build a dialogue, not a monologue

The same gentleman could easily text 10 messages but not a single question to a girl. He would tell how he feels about the bad weather, president election and even the burger he had for lunch but he would totally ignore the things the lady would try to add. All the ladies he was talking to have provided the same feedback – “he doesn’t care what I say and how I feel”.

Rule number 5. Appreciate attention and use “thank you”

A client of mine had a birthday not so long ago. He has met in person one beautiful younger girl and since he left Ukraine they were in touch by skype and email. Especially for his birthday she has filmed a small “Happy Birthday” video in which she sang for him and said why she liked him. He has sent her an email only in the evening telling he has a toothache and because of that he was irritated the whole day. The next day he has texted her that the weather has spoilt but he never said “thank you” for the video.  The lady honestly doubts if he likes her after all.

Rule number 6. Play “ping pong”

When you text or exchange emails with the lady don’t forget about the “ping pong rule”. You send a message and wait for her to send you a message back. You email her and wait for her email. You don’t send her 5 messages in a row. She writes you a long letter, you reply her with a long letter. She sends you “good morning” – you answer her. If you check your messenger and see that you have sent her 10 messages and she sent you one and you have replied with 3 huge messages – this is bad. Don’t push on her! It irritates.

Rule number 7. The questions loves answers

If you have asked the lady something give her a chance to actually answer your question.  Don’t shot a question after a question because she will feel like at the job interview. If you will ask a question and don’t give her a chance to answer she will feel like you don’t actually care about the answer, which means you don’t care at all about the lady. If you have asked a question, for example “what is your favourite cuisine?” – give her a chance to answer before you start telling about your preferences.

Rule number 8. Try to remember the facts

If she has written you an email about her sister and nephews and two letters after you ask her if she has siblings – this will be strange. She will come to a conclusion that you are texting with so many people that you can’t keep up with all the information. Also she can think that you don’t care about her.

Dear gentlemen, while communicating with Ukrainian girls don’t forget about compliments and romance. A sweet “good morning” will have a better affect than a story how you went to the grocery store and have forgotten to buy a toilet cleaner.

I wish you only mutual love and romance!

Svetlana Mukha, CEO and leading matchmaker at Diolli.com