Are my standards too high?

Are you a handsome, successful, caring, and well-educated, but still single man actively searching for his only one? Then you should probably be thinking about why your relationship ‘career’ fails to advance beyond the second date. You might have also repeatedly been told among family and friends to ‘lower your expectations’ or ‘take it easier. However, don’t doom yourself to frustration by jumping into early conclusions and heeding the non-expert’s advice. Rejection does not mean you have too high standards. Perhaps you are looking for love in the wrong place.

Objective estimation of purpose

First of all, you need to determine the final aim of your dating: is it going to be a one-night entertainment or it is planning to develop into a serious relationship. If you count on the second option, hardly will you rush with a choice, so it is absolutely reasonable to behave a little nit-picky. While selecting a steady partner you will primarily look at their personality traits apart from physical characteristics. Though appearance influences the very first impression, it gradually recedes into the background since you take a deeper dive exploring their emotional qualities. The more you spend time together, the faster you get to know each other and, against all positive sides, start regarding some of their flaws as insignificant. Or vice versa, after seeing their real face they may lose appeal in your eyes. That is why, before setting expectations in a relationship, find out its purpose.

Narrowing down your ‘Musts’

Sometimes people of high self-esteem put forward long lists of unrealistic expectations for their future candidates. They push away decent potential partners just because they don’t fully correspond to their demands. It is absolutely normal to have a list of general requirements, but those should contain several key points which you find the most valuable in person, not their whole description from head to toes. Don’t mistake choosing a partner with choosing an expensive suit. You can spend ages ‘trying on’ different types of people, but they won’t change their ‘size’ at your bidding. Furthermore, even if you are lucky to have found your perfect match, no one yet guarantees that they will be attracted to you in response. It is practically impossible to combine an hourglass-shaped waist, outstanding intelligence, aquamarine eye color, and sophisticated cooking skills in one person and hope that your partner will melt right from your first breath. So, if you still doubt your high expectations in a relationship, examine your list of claims one more time and throw a couple of unnecessary things away.

Eliminating inner perfectionist

Perfectionism in a relationship is characterized by your own opinion and the other one incorrect. For instance, you might not like their new hairstyle, the way they dress or you might think they are not as attentive to your requests as they should be. But you don’t bother considering your partner’s point of view on this regard. Take finally your black-and-white glasses off and stop intoxicating your relationship with maximalist inclinations. As long as you keep dwelling on your prejudices the situation is not going to change in your favor. After all, nobody is flawless and this is what makes us love and accept each other for who we are. Married couples suffering from perfectionism want everything at once and strive for a non-existent ideal, which, of course, is simply impossible to achieve. They blindly believe that they are helping their partners improve, but in fact, they are only surpassing his/her ego. Remember, you are not perfect either and if you want your marriage to be strong, make sure your healthy expectations don’t cross the red line.

Falling in love from the second sight?

Despite the fact that the great majority is skeptical of love, at first sight, it is worth admitting such cases do happen and, although rarely, can even grow into a long-term relationship. Still, there are many individuals who are hopeful to find their initial spark and then pretend to be suffering from unrequited love. Dating partners who are not their sudden crush thus seems to make no sense for them, so they don’t even look at any alternative options. But as practice shows, true feelings arise over time, when the emotional distance between people reduces and they start revealing positive sides to one another. Deeper love suggests that we don’t only find the other person physically attractive, but fall in love with their qualities as well. And we, of course, cannot instantly notice those qualities having seen the person for two minutes. As it is said, don’t judge the book by its cover. At any rate, we are able to fall in love with the image that we create in our head, looking at the person in front of us. But this information is so limited that it would be irrational to assume you were brought together by fate.

Now you must have found the answer to the question ‘are my expectations too high?’ If you don’t want to waste your time and energy on the person, you should openly talk about each other’s relationship expectations. But do not feel guilty for saying ‘No’ when you see that your relations are running for nothing.