Do you have realistic dating expectations?
Maybe you are looking for love for a long time and you are frustrated. Everyone around is suggesting and giving tips on how to lower your expectations in a relationship in order to find the one. And you are already thinking maybe they are right, maybe that`s why you have no luck in dating. Do not rush to conclusions. I will try to help you to find out the reasons why it happens to you.
Everyone has certain expectations in relationships, have you ever thought if they are too high? Most people think when they find a partner, they will be complete, happy and successful, which is a totally wrong approach. There is no person in the world who can make you happy besides you. Another person should equally share with you what you already have, bring something new into your life, but not become the only source of joy, pleasure and happiness.
Does this mean you should not have any standards in dating? You can and must have standards! You should set boundaries and share what is acceptable and what you consider disrespectable.
How do you find out if you have astronomical unrealistic expectations in relationships?
1. You are single for quite a long time even though you are actively looking for a partner. You are trying different ways of meeting a soulmate: both online and offline, but do not succeed at all.
2. You have written a long list of qualities that you wish to have in a person, but she doesn`t match all of them and you cannot tick all 100 points off. Remember, a person is not a thing and you are not in the shop choosing an expensive ring, which needs to meet all your requirements. It doesn`t mean that you cannot meet smart and beautiful woman in one. But if you are dreaming to meet a perfect lady with turquoise eyes like in the ocean, blonde hair like a Barbie doll, with a perfect waist size, amazing housewife who cooks the most delicious food on earth, a successful businesswoman at the same time, who is fond of reading the same books as you and has the same taste in music as well as she must be fond of knitting and sewing like your grandma at the weekends, it is unlikely to happen. Of course you shouldn`t date someone who doesn`t match your core values and beliefs. But such things as hair color and some small things like that can be deal breakers. One of my male friend had a very long list of requirements for a lady who can potentially win his heart. Besides 20 points, which describe her appearance from head to toes, he mentioned other 80 points about personal characteristics, hobbies and interests. Among them he mentioned that she must keep up with the world news, up-to-date technologies, be interested in history as he does and be passionate about skiing. He is still searching for his Mrs. Right without any success. He doesn’t even give a chance to someone who is at least a bit close to his ideal.
3. You believe in love from the first sight like in movies. You imagine your first meeting like a set in the most romantic movie, your heart beats faster, butterflies are flying around in your stomach and you are on the seventh heaven only looking at your date`s eyes. I cannot say that I am not romantic and I don`t believe in love from the first sight. But as practice shows such feelings can be very deceiving and can mislead you. It is often confused with infatuation and lust. How do Hallmark movies depict love? Usually a very busy man who has a sky-rocketing career where there is no place for romance leaves his office one happy evening after another busy day and bumps into a gorgeous woman, he is holding a huge pile of very important papers that he accidentally drops on the floor and she tries to help him. While they are busy picking up papers, their eyes meet while cupids send arrows in the sky and they madly fall in love. The next morning they meet in the coffee shop or during a morning run by chance, which only proves that it is a destiny. After that they madly fall in love, move into each other`s places, watch romantic movies, have an amazing sex 24/7 and eat pizza in bed. After watching a couple of Hallmark movies, you start searching for such kind of love. And when you go on a real date and the scenario from a recent movie doesn`t repeat, you get frustrated and give up on love!
4. You believe that ideal couple never has arguments. Relationship will definitely have ups and downs. There is no way to avoid bumps. Otherwise you won`t grow as a couple. It is not healthy if you always agree with everything. Many people compare themselves with what they see in social media. When they have arguments, they think that no one else does. Because when they open Instagram or Facebook, they see happy faces of couples, stories of their friends and acquaintances who had fun together. But remember that social media depicts only the best, people do not show what happens behind the scene. One of my friend was following a couple from her city and was really admiring them on Instagram. Every morning she would open up a story and see how her boyfriend brings her a cup of coffee with a fresh croissant in bed. In the evening they would post a romantic evening, hugging each other and saying how lucky they are that they never argue as if they were made for each other. My friend always got frustrated because from time to time she had arguments with her partner and was wondering why they are so ideal. In fact that couple from Instagram was far from ideal, he was cheating on her that`s why he did his best to please her so that she would never suspect him. So it is absolutely normal to have some arguments, but of course not every day and not about core values and beliefs.
5. You want your partner look like Angelina Jolie. Chances to meet someone like her still exist, but then you have to look like a movie star too.
6. You expect to spend all your free time with her. It is good if both of you have the same interests and hobbies, but it is healthy to have personal time off from each other.
To succeed in relationship, you cannot negotiate love and respect, but you may have to find some compromises on other things, which do not contradict your main values. Be sincere about your desires and love will open its door to your heart!