Does Her Sexual Past Bother You?
“My girlfriend’s sexual past bothers me, makes me feel uneasy and disgusted” is a perfectly normal thought in your head.
And if you have already asked Google or sent a message on a forum ” how to forget things that bother you about the girl’s former life”, then you must have come across lots of controversial advice.
On the one hand, there are “experts” on the Internet who argue that any guy obsessed with his wife’s past is a hypocrite, misogynist, sexist, and a jerk who has no place in today’s progressive society.
On the other hand, there are radical groups whose members claim a man has the right to know whether his girlfriend has slept with a lot of guys and somehow fight it; such behavior is entirely justified, women cannot be trusted, and the slightest concern about the lady’s possible indecent behavior is enough to take action.
I would not go into the “professional” tips given by people I do not know. However, I could share a friend of mine’s story called “dating someone with a past”.
One day Nick (of course, it is not a real name) came to me and said: “My girlfriend slept around before me. She had 10 sexual partners. She makes me crazy, but I am confused. I don’t know what to do! She could become my wife, but is she worth it?”
To help him, I asked some of my acquaintances, who, as I knew, had gone through such situations, for ideas on how to get your wife to talk about her past and not to split up after this. Here is what they answered.
Alex. The first thing to do in such a case is to decide if you are ready to accept the bitter reality. The problem is we often idealize the women we love, and when some “darkening” information comes out, our Miss Perfect is not so perfect anymore. The best advice on how to come to terms with your GF’s previous sexual experience is to accept the fact neither you nor she is ideal. Now you finally see the woman as she is. However, nothing has changed, you fell in love with this very lady, despite the fact you are not the girl’s first or second sexual partner. Neither you nor she has to live up to each other’s standards. If you want to be happy, if you feel good together, you have to accept your beloved as she is, with all her flaws and preferences.
Eugene. I think the main difficulty is fear. Perhaps, knowing the woman has had many partners, you are afraid she will quickly find a replacement for you. “Does my wife think about her past lovers?” is the question that often echoes in your mind. Then, the first thing you need to do is to raise your self-esteem. Be confident, love yourself and your woman will reflect your love like a mirror. Accept the lady for who she is, and both of you will begin to change and learn to find harmony in your relationship.
Mark. We must accept what we cannot change. Tormenting yourself with thoughts of how to tell if your girlfriend used to sleep around only ruins everything. In this case, not only you suffer, but so does she. Everything bothering you so much is already gone. You may know everything considering your GF, or you still have a lot to learn, but now you have to decide unambiguously whether you want to stay together. And if you do, you must accept her history. Trust your intuition and listen to your heart.
John. Even if my wife tells me about her past lovers, whose number seems to be “higher” than I have expected, it doesn’t mean she neglects her body. She may have suffered psychological trauma as a child, such as a lack of parental attention. She could look for it in such a way and all she really wanted was warmth and concern. If you decide to understand and accept this, you will love your woman even more, because, in addition to condemnation, you could feel compassion and understanding of your dear’s inner worries.
IMHO. If your GF’s former sexual life makes you nervous, remember it is gone. Moreover, she is not your FIRST one either. Don’t you think she might also be bothered by the idea? If you love each other, let bygones be bygones, and build a common present with a view to the future.
The following tips could help you stop thinking of how to come to terms with your GF’s or wife’s sexual history:
Ø Raise your self-esteem. As you become more confident in yourself, you are no longer bothered by your lady’s sexual experience;
Ø Get rid of fears, especially the fear of loneliness;
Ø Remember the sense of humor and irony which allow you not to increase the scale of emerging difficulties in the relationship;
Ø Find a way to control yourself and your negative emotions, you need to learn how to get rid of them and not wind yourself up with bad thoughts;
Ø In case nothing works, but you still want to be with this woman, see a professional. A good psychologist can help you. Good luck!
Valeria Matskevich with Love.