We all have the past! By the past I mean ex girlfriends and ex boyfriends. They are a part of our lives and we should say “Thank you” to them. They are the reason of where we are now, whom we are with now and basically who we are in general.
A new song of Taylor Swift is playing now in my head “…look what you made me do…I got smarter, I got harder in the nick of time…” That`s true, exes make us stronger. I believe that everything happens for the best and only for the best. Every person in our life is for the reason. Ex boyfriends and ex girlfriends prepare us for a new, more romantic, full of love relationship and teach us not to do the same mistakes.
The first question is: Do we need to talk about exes in our new relationship?
It depends on you and your new partner, and how strong is your nervous system. I know some couple that has an agreement not to talk about their past relationships at all. They prefer to be focused on the present. There`s nothing wrong with it. But I have a suspicion that people are fishing for that type of info on the sly. In the world of social media all you need is a person’s name to discover what they look like, how they dress, what places they visit, even names of their pets. The truth is none of that really matters.
Please, remember! Don`t compare yourself to the exes. Your partner is with YOU now, because it didn’t work out with the ex. You’re obviously more amazing and charming, and smarter person than the ex-boyfriend/ex-girlfriend was.
Usually people are curious about exes. They are exes for a reason and new partners want to know the reason. The topic about ex boyfriends and ex girlfriends will be appeared sooner or later.
Second question is: When is the perfect timing for it?
The beginning of a new relationship may not be the best time to drop the “ex bomb”. You probably want to give a new relationship time to develop before talking about emotions and needs, and unresolved issues with your exes. According on statistic, people don’t want to hear about ex boyfriends and ex girlfriends for at least the first 4 or 5 dates. That should happen further down the road.
If you’re talking about your ex after the first or second dates it can be assumed you aren’t over them yet or you are still bitter. People don’t want to deal with it. As long as that past stays in the past, there’s no reason to feel threatened.
If the ex-conversation happens… Please, try to avoid the phrases as:
– “Everyone loved her”
– “She is so smart”
– “She broke my heart”
– “She is doing great”
– “She brought me here once”
– “She bought me this”
– “She and I planned to…”
– “She was funny”
– “She was good (bad) in sex”
And don`t confuse the names of your current girlfriend and your ex!!!
The key is to strive for conversation around things that will make your relationship deeper, stronger, and more loving — but the details are not necessary.
I prefer to speak about my ex in case I have a funny story to say or stay silent.
Would be much better for you and your karma to say “thank you” and wish a “good luck” to the exes. Let them go!!!
Be opened for a new colorful happy life without ex boyfriends and ex girlfriends.