How Important is Chemistry on the first date with a lady from Ukraine
Being a professional matchmaker for over a decade I have learned chemistry between a man and woman during the first meeting is way overrated. People put too much attention on it.
Sometimes singles without actually meeting offline face-to-face already claim they do not feel chemistry with someone after just looking at the profile picture. How do you expect to feel it by the photo? That’s not possible! It is just a static image that gives you an idea of what is the body type and hair color of your potential date. But you can’t really tell by the photo only if there might be strong mutual interest and to find this out you have to start dating, which means – going offline, talking and flirting! Without real flirt and communication, you will never know if he or she is the one.
The truth is we like people who find us attractive. Imagine that you are having dinner with a lady. You saw a picture in the profile, you have asked her out and she said yes. You are both having seafood pasta and green Portugal wine and you start talking about your last trip to Europe, your job, plans for the future, and your favorite hobby. She actually listens to you! She is not on her phone giving you just a glimpse of attention. No, she is fully present! She listens to you and you can tell at once she enjoys your stories. She laughs and smiles when you joke, and she shares some stories and you think she is fun and easy-going. She compliments your sense of humor and leans forward while talking to you. It is not hard to see she is not in a hurry to finish your evening. She asks you questions and listens to your answers. You start feeling wanted and special.
After dinner, you take a long walk and you realize you also are fully present at this moment. Your thoughts do not jump back to the clients and office, your friends, or laundry. After this evening you conclude she is more attractive in person than in photos. The question is – why you think so? Because she obviously liked you and you had a great evening together.
When you meet again and talk and laugh while hiking or ice-skating – you learn more about the lady. And suddenly you find out that both of you do not like opera and museums but adore camping and fishing. And you realize she is even more attractive.
The question remains – what is chemistry in a relationship? Does it magically appear once you meet or do you have to build it?
My professional opinion – you have to build it by really getting to know a person. Of course, it is not possible to build it with everyone. With some people, you won’t really have much in common and you will be shocked, but it has very little to do with the looks.
When you invest time, effort and really try to get to know a lady, letting her get to know you as well – you give each other a chance to find things you like about each other and get in the mood to flirt. And you will call it a mutual attraction.
Why chemistry is important? Because it is an indicator you are on the same page, you enjoy spending time together, you have similar values, you have fun, you laugh, and you are relaxed on dates. But it has absolutely nothing to do with a perfect photo, astrological sign, or if he or she drives a Lexus.
The importance of physical attraction which people often confuse with true meaningful feelings is highly overrated. Movies and romance books make us believe there should be the moment when the world stops spinning, soft music plays in the background, and you feel butterflies in your stomach or birds sing in your head next to this man or woman. And there are rainbows, unicorns and stars falling from the sky. It doesn’t happen in real life. To love a lady you have to get to know and understand her, share similar values, and have same long-term goals. Lust does not mean love.