How to Break Up With Someone Nicely
If breaking a relationship was easy, life wouldn`t be so complicated. But unfortunately there is no “magic button”, which we can press to “erase” the person from your life. There is no “perfect break up” scenario filled with inspirations and positive moments. It wouldn`t be appropriate to organize a romantic date night with music and rose petals and somewhere between sipping wine mention an idea of ending a relationship.
Are you the one who is going to bring bad news? Then follow these steps on how to break up with someone you love.
Maybe you were in relationship for a long time or you just started dating, but one day you wake up and think: “I need to break up with my girlfriend right now. “ Do not take rushed decisions based on emotions or your bad mood particularly today, maybe you are going to wake up tomorrow in different mood and regret your decision.
I would like to share a personal story of my female friend that recently happened to her. She met a guy just one month ago and they started dating. Everything seemed perfect, he was very courteous and picked her up from work, they were having lunches together on their breaks. He was surprising her with flowers and gifts. It seemed like a fairytale. He was very polite, intelligent and caring. They shared lots in common, they are both independent and have their own business. They both drive cars, so they always had something to share. One regular morning instead of a “usual good morning message”, she received “Hi, you are a very nice girl, but I think I am not ready for such relationship. Take care and let`s not see each other again”. “Surprise” break ups are the most traumatizing. They leave a person in so many doubts. It is really hard to get over, receiving such messages out of the blue. Is she going to believe in love again? How could he behave differently? He could probably explain why it was not good time for him at that moment to build serious relationship or it was a different reason. If it was not the best time for him, he could say about his priorities. So that she wouldn`t doubt herself. If the problem was in being incompatible, he could mention what exactly was wrong.
Another personal story I would like to tell you about a married couple. They had been married for 3 years and the last year was a bit tough for both of them. They talked and each of them claimed some dislikes. A lady mentioned that she was lacking his attention and care as well as financial stability. He took seriously only the financial problem and decided to go abroad to work for some time. Long-distance relationship is hard, especially when a couple already has problems. Instead of texting each other more often, he decided to focus on his job to earn more money. Lack of attention caused even more problems. He insisted on breaking up with her in one month.
What are the common reasons to break up?
Love is magical and gives wings. When people fall in love, they don`t notice many things and everything about their partner seems perfect! Until the moment when both partners or one of them decides that something is missing. There should be some really valid reasons for breaking up with your girlfriend, for example:
- There is no future. At the moment you are fine, it is fun to spend time together, have sex and drink coffee, but apart from that you don`t see any future with this particular person. One of you is dreaming about successful career and exploring the world and the other one wants to have kids as soon as possible. In such case you are not on the same page and instead of wasting each other`s time, find someone who is compatible with you.
- Are you the only one who makes relationship work? Relationship is a tango and it requires two people for a successful dance. Otherwise, it will fail.
- You feel down all the time. Surely there are some ups and downs, but still if the negative things prevail, it is not healthy. Relationship should bring physical and moral satisfaction, if you feel drained all the time, it is worth reflecting its health. It is not always about positivity and happiness, there are different circumstances and you have to be each other`s support in difficult times, no doubt. But in general you should feel happy.
- Constant fighting over anything. It is normal to debate and have constructive conversations, it is the way to grow. But if you fight over every single thing, it is not a healthy environment.
- Abuse. If you feel neglected, emotionally abused, there is no sense to be with a person like that.
- If you think about someone else. If another woman is on your mind, it is already some kind of indirect cheating. Be sincere and don`t make another person suffer just because you don`t know what to do. Make up your mind who you would like to be with. Have courage to break up and do not waste someone else`s time, it is precious, the same as yours. My male friend has been living with a girlfriend for 3 years, she is a very nice lady as per his description. But he just doesn`t love her anymore and is attracted to another girl. However he still lives with his girlfriend, thinking about another woman every night. He just feels sorry for her, because she is “so nice” and he cannot break her heart. He shared with me a story and I couldn’t resist giving him a piece of advice. I told him that women do feel when you are attracted to someone, even though you are physically present. She might think that you just have a bad mood, maybe something is not very good at work. She suffers and feels suffocated by her own thoughts. Maybe some other man would be extremely happy to have exactly her in his arms. Instead she is wasting her time with you, trying to win your attention. Have you ever thought about it? I asked him. He looked at me puzzled and said no. He was thinking that he was making both of them happy.
- You are too controversial. Despite the fact that opposites attract, you cannot compromise at all, because your core values and believes are just completely different.
- You are intimately incompatible. Sex is important part of relationship. If you can talk for hours and it is a lot of fun being together, but there is nothing to do in bed together, it is a solid ground for friendship. It is better to be friends in such case rather than romantic partners.
- Absence of romance. Usually you are very romantic, you like giving surprises and organize date nights, but with this particular person you don`t feel like doing it. It means you are not romantically attracted to a girl.
So when to break with someone you love? Straight after noticing one of the facts above? What the best ways to break up with someone?
No matter which things you are going to say when breaking up with your girlfriend, it should be said with a respect.
So, how to break up with your girlfriend in a nice way?
- Prepare a speech. If you haven`t discussed the issues before, it is important to talk. Maybe you just haven`t mentioned what you don`t like about your relationship. But don`t try to create an unrealistic movie script, when you cry and then she cries, something like: “ We have to be apart, but I will suffer my dear. It will be better for both of us”. It is better to be honest and give a real feedback.
- Decide for yourself, either you want it to be the end or you are giving a partner a chance to improve, apologize. And after this make your speech accordingly.
- Avoid delivering news over text, phone call or an email. Do it face-to-face with a respect and dignity. Even though I have heard a lot that people are afraid to do it in real life, it is much easier to send a “sorry” text after 7 years of relationship. But believe me it will cause much more pain after and maybe even more time to close the page of such relationship.
- Choose an appropriate place. Definitely a loud bar won`t be a good place to spill out the news. Bear in mind that it is emotionally difficult, so better avoid public places for such conversations. It is an intimate conversation for both, so it is right to respect each other`s feelings.
- Do not drink alcohol before the conversation to gain courage. After a couple of drinks, the situation may be not that clear and you give chance for emotions to overtake your mind. Be sober while breaking the news.
- Don`t beat around the bush. For example you mentioned that you need to talk seriously and then offer to have a walk, then a dinner and then postpone it until the next time. Be decisive and direct.
- Anticipate a reaction, either she is going to be sad and cry, maybe angry and aggressive, or will ask to give us some time. Be ready for any reaction possible.
How to deal with breaking up emotionally? Acknowledge the fact first, give yourself time to heal, even though you were the one who initiated it, treat yourself and enjoy your life before jumping into the next relationship.