How to date a girl who doesn’t speak English
It is a very popular question and Diolli.com psychologist and matchmaker have already covered this topic in numerous videos on our YouTube blog. Just dial “Diolli matchmaking” in the YouTube search and there you will find almost 500 videos with practical dating tips for men who consider dating Slavic women.
Even colleagues-cupids often ask us how we manage to schedule dates for singles who represent very different cultures and communicate in different languages. And we have successfully done it since 2008!
We always honestly answer that barriers are just in our heads. It is all about perception and attitude. So often two people who were born and raised in the same city and went to the same kindergarten and school, and even the same college and probably actually lived next door do not hear or understand each other well when they have a conversation. Why? Because there is not enough chemistry between them, because their attitude to love, romance, relationship, and family is opposite. They are on totally different pages about many crucial aspects: money, religion, politics, gender roles, desire to have kids, family budget, chores, etc. A man can have no language barrier with a girl, they can even share the same accent but at the same time they have absolutely nothing in common, or they take their communication for granted and therefore do not put much effort into making sure the dating partner keeps up and truly understands what he or she means. They do not put enough effort into listening to what the other person is saying.
It is a very different and unique experience when you are dating a person who not only represents different traditions but also thinks in a foreign language. If there is an attraction, then you are forced to listen very attentively to what your date is saying and while you speak to make sure she understands you correctly.
Our bilingual couples whom we have matched over the years confess that they often ask their partner: “Can you please say it again, I want to make sure I understand your point correctly” or “I want to make sure we are on the same page”. One can claim this is exhausting to have to carefully listen to your best half all the time and to filter what you say to be sure your partner understands the true meaning of your words.
But just imagine how great it feels to know your partner listens to you and what you are saying is important to him. He hears you! He wants to understand your thoughts and reasons.
Let’s discuss a popular question: how to date without a common language?
If your love interest is not fluent in English and you hardly know a few phrases in Russian or Ukrainian, then first of all treat this experience as a romantic adventure. Language can be learned, It is not that hard! If your long-term goals and aspirations align and you have similar beliefs and expectations about relationships and marriage – then try to get to know each other better. Try to laugh about misunderstandings caused by the language barrier. Use your body language, modern tools like google translation and even hire an interpreter to help you during your first dates. Treat it as a romantic adventure – a tremendously special stage in your acquaintance.
If you are still hesitant and still google the question “my lover and I speak in different languages, what to do?” then the next tip will be important for you! Stop being pessimistic and negative! Change your attitude! Why not be playful and creative about your differences. After all, they make your relationship unique and one of a kind.
One of our couples has created a game. Whenever they went, they had two sets of stickers. Their everyday goal was to teach each other at first 10 new words and after a while, they raised the bar to 20 words. Of course, they were playful and were teasing each other so they tried very hard to find unique, funny, or complicated words after they were done with the basics. Once they went to a restaurant and there was a statue of a peacock. The gentlemen had to climb a few shelves to place his sticker on the peacock’s tail. So, his girlfriend was obligated to learn “peacock” in English. His girlfriend has decided to be creative, and she has asked a waiter to bring her several mushrooms from the kitchen. She has explained why she needed them. Her boyfriend was obligated to learn their names in Russian. Which was not easy. By the rules of this game a person who struggles to learn all the new words is doing all the choirs tomorrow. A great motivation, isn’t it?
We have shared this story with other clients and one couple has decided to teach each other nasty words first or slang names for certain body parts. Well, it worked for them! Both couples are happily married.
As you can see, regardless of if you represent very different communities and cultures, you can have a unique, lasting, and very romantic relationship filled with your traditions and habits. Keep in mind that smiles are international, and accents are extremely hot!