How to Deal With Unrequited Love

Is love always a captivating experience? When it is healthy and mutual love, exactly it is captivating, bringing joy, happiness, inspiration and positive emotions. But when it is one-sided feeling, it can bring completely opposite emotions. When love is not reciprocated, it hurts.

What is the meaning of unrequited love? When you started relationship with a person, you are head-over heels in love, planning future with that person, subconsciously pictured your life until the last breath together, but your partner doesn`t reciprocate the feelings. You should be careful and notice the signs of unrequited love in time and know how to deal with it.

  1. You always want to see your partner, but in return you get only excuses of being busy or receiving a favour of meeting you. So upon your meeting you give your 100% engaging in a conversation, showing interest and your partner just keeps looking at the watch, dreaming about escaping from you.
  2. You always feel underestimated. You try to show your partner achievements, how great you are in something, but it is not appreciated. Your girlfriend thinks that it is nothing to be proud of and is not worth her attention.
  3. You don`t see anything bad in your partner, idealizing appearance, actions and behavior. By putting another person on pedestal, you risk losing reality and objective judgement of someone else`s behavior and sometimes you may take abnormal things as acceptable, then it will be more difficult to see that.
  4. Your crush makes you feel anxious all the time, you cannot tell if she likes you, you cannot sleep and do normal stuff without doubting the feelings of another person.
  5. Even being in relationship, you feel lonely, you are seeking tet-a-tet talks with your friends not your partner. You cannot share your secrets and thoughts with each other, because there is no interest from the other side.

Reciprocation is important. What does reciprocation mean? When two people give 50/50 in relationship and truly care about each other. You should feel respect from a partner, care and interest in your life in the equal measure.

Why does unrequited love hurt? Being rejected by someone you love is always painful. When we start any relationship, we don`t think about rejection. If it happened to you, you should know how to move forward with your life. How to recover from unrequited love? Here are some steps to forget someone you love.

  1. If your relationship was cut short and you are hurt, give yourself time to be sad. Let your emotions come out, no matter what is it, anger, sadness or frustration.
  2. Accept and respect another person`s decision. Never beg to come back, expressing self-pity. You will just cause irritation if you start begging for love.
  3. The best way to forget is cutting any contact. You shouldn`t see each other, call, text and follow each other on social media. There is no need to follow their life anymore. It frequently happens when couples break up and continue following on Instagram or Facebook, making things worse for yourself. In the moments of sadness coming across a picture of your love having fun without you is not a pleasant experience. To avoid attracting bad emotions, better cut any connection.
  4. Refrain from idealizing. Make a list of things that you don`t like in your ex-partner. Thinking about only good sides will lower your self-esteem and it may influence the time of recovery.
  5. Surround yourself with people that love you, see the best in you. They will remind you how beautiful you are, what a nice person you are. Do something that you like so much, go to the movies, eat your favourite food, visit your best friend.
  6. Remove all the objects which remind you about your partner, photos, souvenirs, voicemails, chats, anything that reminds you of this person. You can even burn everything, so you don`t have temptation to look at it.
  7. Write a good-bye letter, which you are not going to send. Describe all the feelings, forgive this person for not loving you. It is just not meant to be in this particular moment or this person is just not for you.
  8. Indulge in self-pleasures, focus on your own self-growth. Engage yourself in a new language course which you have been dreaming to attend but just didn`t have enough time before, maybe enroll in driving classes, read a new book or watch a new movie. Just pay attention to what you choose, avoid lovey-dovey types of entertainment which will remind you of your crush.
  9. Switch your usual activities for something new, maybe you have been always thinking of changing a routine job which doesn`t bring you any pleasure. Take part in a summer job somewhere in Spain or Greece for a change, unwind a bit from your everyday life.

How long does it take to get over someone you love? It is completely up to you, it can take 1 month or 5 years, depends how you manage your emotions and how much efforts you out into it. Some psychologists say it can take half of the time you have been together. Nevertheless you should give yourself time after a break up and don`t immediately jump into a new relationship. There is no a common timeline how long it might take for you to bounce back, but if you follow our tips, it will speed up the process.

Can you get over someone you love? Definitely yes, it is not the end of the world, it is just a matter of time. When you are emotionally attached to another person, it is always harder to forget, but not impossible. How to get over someone that you love as soon as possible? Keep yourself busy and replace your partner with a new activity and hobby. Start going to the gym, get a new tattoo or piercing, go out with friends more, switch your focus from the love object to yourself.

If it is not the first time happening to you, try to think about the reasons why it happens with you. Maybe you unconsciously attract such relationship, maybe you give more than receive. You might like drama, you like suffering from toxic attitude and then complain to your friends and find an excuse why you are still single. If it becomes a habit, break it, try to date someone completely different from your ex, not only in looks but also character. Take a step back and reconsider your actions. Never put someone as priority forgetting about your own worth and self-respect. It is healthy to love yourself a bit more than the other person.

How to forget one sided-love? Let go….no matter how difficult it is, it is better than being in relationship without reciprocity. Don`t cling to someone who doesn`t want to see your real value. Don`t go to the same places you have been together, you must not torture yourself with memories. Create new ones. If you fail once, it doesn`t mean it will happen again. When you find a true love, it is going to make you grow, be happy and never underestimate yourself.

Learn from the experience of your friends, listen to psychologists` advice, maybe your story is different but the healing process has its certain common steps, which are really effective and checked by many couples. All people have different personalities, one is very sensitive, the other one is less vulnerable. I want to share with you two break-up stories of my friends. The first one happened after 6 years of being together, even though the relationship was not perfect and there were many things which my close friend was just not paying attention to and used to idealize because she loved with all her heart. The announcement of a break up was like snow during summer, she didin`t expect it at all. Her boyfriend just wrote a message: “It`s time for us to be apart. I have someone else, sorry. I don`t love you anymore”. It devastated a lady so much, she couldn`t breath, eat or live. The only thing she needed is seeing him. It is not normal condition, it is an addiction. After a shock she actually realized that yes, it was high time for them to break up. So she knew the reasons but still didn`t want to do anything about it. The healing process took 2 years. Unfortunately it was very painful, because she didn`t follow any rules, was looking for him in social media, checking his page even more often than hers, kept all the contacts with him, even wishing through tears happiness to him and his new girlfriend. It was a self-torture until she realized that 2 years of her life were wasted, while her partner was quite happy with his new life, got married and had kids. Finding herself in despair after a long time, she started to put some efforts to forget him and she succeeded. She could have done it much earlier. Another example is different in a positive way. The girl was dating a guy for 2 years and he also left her, explaining that they are not meant for each other. She was sad, but decided not to waste her life. She got busy by enrolling in a new painting class, where she revealed new talents, also started learning about professional photo. She gained a hobby that brought her not only joy and pleasure, but also good income. A lady felt independent and happy. So all the troubles of break up past unnoticed. So choose your priorities and dreams, put them first and you will find the right partner for life.

Turn your loss into a learning experience.