How to deal with your girlfriend’s sexual past?

Not rarely people overthink about their partner`s past, even becoming jealous of it. What if her ex-boyfriend was better in bed? Different blogs and people say “It`s been and gone, why should you worry? “, but it is a little comfort for those who are obsessed with this question and cannot stop overthinking. Even these clichés have sense, it is not answering the main question how to deal with knowing your partners sexual history.

So how to actually deal with a girl`s sexual past?

  1. Try to find out the roots of your thoughts. Not rarely it is your ego. Even an idea of your lady having been in close physical relationship with someone else before, dreads you. Even though she has no connection anymore with ex-lovers and there is no threat to your relationship, your ego doesn`t differentiate yesterday and today.
  2. Being insecure. The more you quiz your lady, the more insecure you are. In such case you should work on your self-confidence.
  3. Are you concerned about your health? It is absolutely normal to offer a woman to do a check up at the doctor`s. You must take responsibility for your own sexual health. But it should be done in the right way. Do not bombard a lady with a list of questions right before having intimacy in the middle of a passion kiss. Have a frank and open conversation, it is a sensitive subject, but if you approach it in the right way, it won`t bring any awkward situations. Such conversations are a part of life for mature adult people.

Not so long ago I came across the following question from a man: he was head over heels in love with his girlfriend, but one day she admitted having 10 partners before she started going out with him. The man was shocked, he did not know what to do. On one hand he saw a lady as his wife, on the other hand he thought the girl was not decent enough for that mission. Then a couple of our clients had a similar situation and we decided to help them. We have made a survey and asked our friends to tell us the ways of dealing with your girlfriend’s sexual history.

Alex: The first thing you should do if you happen to be in such a situation, is think whether you are ready to accept the reality or not. We often idealize women we like and when we learn some “darkening” information, our miss Perfect becomes not so perfect. Neither you, nor she or other person in this world is perfect. Now you finally see your woman the way she is. However, she has not changed. You have fallen in love despite the fact that you are not the first or second sexual partner. Maybe this is why she is so sexy and this is why you like each other so much. Neither you nor your girlfriend have to fit in each other’s standards. If you want to be happy, if you feel good, you just have to accept the way she is, with all drawbacks and strange habits.

Max: In my opinion you have some fear. Probably, knowing that your girl has had so many partners, you are afraid that she will quickly find some other man and leave you. Then what you have to do first is to start with rising your self-esteem. Be self-confident, first love yourself and the girl will reflect it like a mirror and so you will come over your fear. Then accept your girlfriend the way she is, carefree and not valuing her body… you both will start changing and then you will have a chance to find harmony in your relationship.

Eugene: We have to accept what we cannot change. Teasing yourself with thoughts about how to deal with your girlfriend’s sexual history, you are just spoiling everything. Not only you are suffering, but your girlfriend too. It is already a thing of the past. You may know already everything about your girl, or there may be more secrets to discover and you have to decide whether you want to be with this person or not. If you choose to stay together, you should accept the past too. Just trust your intuition and follow your heart.

Alexander: If your girlfriend’s sexual history is so rich, it is not because she does not value her body. This could be because she had some childhood trauma like the lack of parents’ attention. She could have been looking for it in such a way. She wanted warmth and care. Therefore, if you choose to understand and forgive, you will love even more, since apart from the feeling of critics, you will also feel sympathy and understanding to the girl’s inner pain.

Valeriia (me): Your girlfriend’s sexual history is history. And you could fall in love with her thanks to this history. Moreover, she is not your first woman in bed either. Do you think she does not care? If you do love the girl, build the present together and think about the future.

Alex: I am mature enough to accept my lady`s past. And it is good that she has had some experience. My wife is amazingly charming woman and of course she dated guys before we met at the age of 35. It would be strange if she didn`t. It even contributed to our intimate life. We are happily married and our intimate life is amazing. We are very open with each other, we share our intimate secrets and desires.

Marina: Once I was in an abusive relationship. Before entering it I didn`t expect him to be such kind of person. When we just met, everything seemed so romantic. I was very transparent about my experience before and told that I dated several guys. He was ok with it as I was about his experience. But when we moved in together, I started to notice his mood swings and abusive behavior. He started to insult me and torture me, reminding every time that I had “too many” boyfriends in life, but in fact it was just two. I was 36 by the time I met him, which I think is absolutely fine. It was not for him though. If I knew from the beginning, I wouldn`t go through so many suffers. We broke up, but now I am a bit confused if I should tell anything about my past at all.