How to get out of friend zone?
What does a friend zone mean? Let`s imagine you meet a cute girl, you seem to share a lot in common, she laughs at your jokes and you feel quite intimate together. One day you decide to confess your feelings. You approach a lady and say: “Kate, I really like you and want you to become my girlfriend”. She sighs and says: “You know, David, you are the most charming person I have ever met, but it would be better if we stay as friends. “ It might be really frustrating and it might have happened several times with you. So you wonder why it happens with you and how to get out of a friend zone.
What are the signs that you are in the friend zone?
- She discusses other men with you. Maybe she even asks your opinion about a handsome coworker, whether you think he is a good match.
- There is no physical affection between you. We are not counting hugs or kisses on the cheek.
- She doesn`t make efforts to look good. She is too comfortable with you. She can wear hoodie, sneakers, no make-up and a ponytail.
- You went clubbing, got drunk together and there was no sign of anything.
- She constantly tells you how perfect you are for female friends and tries to introduce you to them.
- She introduces you as a friend to a family. You can spend the whole day together, she takes you shopping.
- She is not laughing at your jokes at all, sense of humor is a very important factor for establishing emotional intimacy.
- She might call you a brother from another mother. You might think you created a strong bond and she can trust you, but it is not always a good factor. Being too close is not always a sign of a romantic partner.
Before getting out of friend zone let us analyze the whole situation.
Let me give you several examples:
For example, a lady likes a particular type of men, dark-skinned muscular ones. Who knows, maybe she was watching too many Mexican soap-operas while being a teenager, but it is the way it is. This is the easiest scenario and there is no point of being upset. We are all different. You should learn to accept things the way they are.
Some girls just don`t compromise their tastes. If you are a bartender and she is only into office workers, do not waste your time. It doesn’t mean you cannot change an opinion, but still you already have less chances.
Supposing you have met a beautiful girl. You have had a couple of dates and told “I want to be more than fiends” , but she answered the usual “I am not ready” or something similar. You may have even been a “couple” and ended up hearing “Let’s stay friends”.
What could be the reason?
The girl is simply not interested, or she expected something from you, which you had not given.
It is possible to get out of a friend zone, but not always. There are several variants, which can help you to make a few steps on how to escape a friend zone. We will look at them now, but everything depends only on you.
- Disappear for some time. While you were all the time next to a lady, she got used to your presence. You give your energy, support and a shoulder to cry on. It is the most common problems among males and females to invest time and energy into some person who is not feeling the same way as you. And if you suddenly disappear, she may feel interest or even a “burst of love” to what is now missing. However, it is not that easy. Before disappearing, you must do something that will bring positive emotions. When you leave, take a pause and do not answer calls or messages, try not to meet with a girl. The length of the period of disappearance can be quite different. However, it is important to catch the moment when she will miss you but will not have the time to forget. Depending on the situation it could be 3-7 days. It is really working. My female friend met a guy at the gym. For him it was love from the first sight as he mentioned it. He was calling and texting 24/7, giving too much attention. It was very pleasant to receive so much attention, she got used to his presence and took it for granted. He was taking her out, wiping tears, listening to all problems and making her laugh. When he confessed that he wanted her to be his girlfriend, she hesitated and said that she was not ready for relationship. As he developed deep feelings, he couldn`t stand being next almost every day without an ability to touch and kiss his girl. So he decided to disappear and see what was going to happen. She started to miss him in 3 days after his absence and she confessed her feelings. Now they have been together, so it was a really witty and successful move of his.
- Change your behavior. You must become “colder”, do not impose yourself, create more mystery around you, and let her think that she needs you more that you need. Do not report about a single step you take. You have your own life, as you didn`t set any agreements , you both have a right to continue going on dates without any explanations and excuses. Very often people are in imaginary relationships, one of the partners assume that he or she is in relationship. That`s why they feel ashamed to go out with other people. Remember, if you manage to awake emotions in the girl, you can reach a lot of things.
- Create a competition. Let her make some moves to win you. I want to tell that competition between women is a very interesting and exciting thing. The idea is very simple: you communicate with other girls, flirt with them.
- If it is clear and the only option is to be friends, the worst thing you can do, keep hoping. It might be frustrating at the end. One of my female acquaintance tried to explain a guy that there is no possibility to be together as romantic partners for a long time. But he didn`t give up, he tried to impress her and was very generous, hoping she would consider him as a boyfriend in the future. It is a totally wrong approach. Girls are not always straight forward, but when they are, it is better to hear them and be on the same page.
Another reason could be – she didn`t see any moves from your side. So, you actually put yourself in the friend list. How could she understand if you felt attraction? Make your intentions clear.
You can make your intentions clear by flirting, confessing about your feelings directly to a girl. I want to share with you a story of my female acquaintance. She met a guy and they were spending a lot of time together. He invited her to restaurants and parks for almost 2 months without having any physical contact. Once he invited her to a summerhouse to have barbeques and they had some wine. It was a pretty romantic atmosphere and she was hoping that he would confess in his feelings. But she didn’t notice any moves from his side. After that evening she just stopped talking to him, because it was really weird. It was very unexpected for him though. He came to visit her and asked why she behaved like that. They finally communicated openly and confessed feelings to each other. It turned out he likes her, but was just afraid she wouldn`t reciprocate his feelings.
Communication is the key to many problems. It gives you a clear picture and you shouldn`t assume many things. When you have a clear answer, you know what to do next. If you have been rejected, do not take it personal. There can be plenty of reasons. But if a person is still important for you and communication is not torturing you, then keep in touch.