How to Get Rid of Attachment to Someone You Can’t be With
Almost everyone experienced a feeling wanting someone you can`t have: either it is a friend you grew up with and shared a lot of memories together or a colleague working next to you for years, who rejected you once. Maybe you are wondering now how to move on when you love someone. It is hard pill to swallow and sometimes it can take much time to forget when you love someone you can`t have.
Frequently people confuse true romantic feelings and attachment, which can be really toxic and have bad consequences. Healthy love is when two mature people are happy together in a couple as well as independently. You should understand that not everything is meant to be in the future, some of them are given to you temporarily to give you a life lesson through a particular person or teach you how to manage your emotions to get over someone you loved.
What are the reasons for people to love someone you can`t have?
- Childhood traumas. It might happen that you lost a parent when you were a child, so you really lack his love and when you grow up, you may meet a person, who is completely incompatible with you, but anyway you get attached very quickly. It is a sign of toxic relationship. You do everything for the partner, but get nothing in return. Rejection even strengthens your feelings and it feels like an addiction, you need to see a partner every single minute, know her whereabouts, control and get upset if she didn`t pick up the phone and instead of spending time with you, she went out with her best friend.
- It`s my first serious relationship. For example you started a relationship when you both were 18, but in time goals have changed and if you dreamt to love each other forever, have many kids and a big house, now you look at different directions, one of you wants to go abroad to work in entertainment, the other wants to have kids and a family. It is high time to let each other go, but still you are together, cherishing the memories how it all started.
- I don`t want to be alone. You agree on all the terms and conditions just not to be alone, growing love for someone, who doesn`t really care about you and spends time with you only when it is boring or there is no other option. You wait for the call from this person at any time of the day, either it is a late night or early morning, even if it is a call in the middle of the night, you are going to pick up the phone, because you are afraid that she won`t call you if you don`t. You fell appreciation even for the small amount of attention, not even considering the fact that you deserve much more.
- I feel trapped, we have been together for a long time, no one will love me anymore. You continue being in relationship, because you devoted so much time to this person. Once I was listening to one woman`s story. She said that she had been living with a guy for almost 20 years, she loved him with all her heart, but it was never enough for him. Always something was wrong with her, too plump, not beautiful enough, not successful enough…She was always trying to please him in all the ways and was dreaming to finally get married to this guy. But he was always finding the reasons not to. Either it is too early, no money for the wedding, not the right time. One day he finally agreed to sign the paper of official marriage with her. It was the best day of her life, she was waiting for this day for 20 years…She bought the most amazing dress, had her make up done, had been attending the gym to lose weight to meet his expectations and here she is, gorgeous and ravishing, waiting for the love of her life. And guess what? He didn`t show up….Shocking? Devastating? Absolutely…You can only imagine how she felt. In 3 months time she met a man, who was head over heels in love with her, proposed in a month time and they are still happily married with two kids. Was it worth waiting? Definitely, but it could happen much earlier if she decided to make a decision to be happy before.
How to get over someone you loved deeply? Here is the list of top tips advice:
- What to do when you miss someone so much it hurts? The best way to heal quicker is to cut connection with a person who caused such pain. Refrain from calling, texting and following them on social media. The worst thing you can do is keep checking their profile in Facebook or Instagram, there is no need to be updated in their social life. Any picture may bring many negative emotions and make the pain deeper. Avoid any reasons to make a wound hurt even more. Stop letting your heart dictate your actions. It is not always leading you on the right track. Refrain from seeing common friends who can pass some information about the person you are attached to. If you feel emotionally overwhelmed, the best way is to share it with a piece of paper, it can endure any pain, believe me. Leave your emotions there, cry if you want, thank a person for such experience in your life, wish her all the best and let her go…You can even meditate, find a cosy room where you are alone, say out loud what you wrote, set your crush on a long journey on imaginary big ship, let`s say in world cruise, wave and say good bye, wishing a nice journey.
- Can you stop loving someone? Yes, you can. You are not alone in such situation, thankfully there is a well-known guide following which you find out how to fall out of love with someone.
- An easy way to forget someone you love is to shift a focus on something else. When you find a hobby that you really enjoy, you put energy and efforts into something that makes you happy as a person not something which drains you. When you learn how to enjoy yourself, be occupied with hobbies, be independent, you are going to attract the same people, self-confident who know their self-worth, then you won`t be attached or addicted to anyone.
- Have friends. It is one of the effective ways to stop thinking about one particular person all the time. Go out to different new places together, have fun, meet new people.
- Be dateable, go on dates without any expectations, you may have a coffee date with a colleague or a friend, invite a girl you like for a stroll or a dinner. Don`t be obsessed with an idea of getting involved in relationship at any cost. Get to know people step by step. Meet someone who is different from your crush, don`t choose the same hair color, height and character, hoping at least to have a reminder of that person.
- Travel. It definitely heals, open yourself to new horizons, visit the places you were dreaming about. Set for an unexpected trip, it will take your mind from the circumstances and give you a chance to see a new part of the world, while discovering new places there is an opportunity to meet new people. If you are not a fan of travelling alone, join the sites for travel buddies and explore places in a new company.
- Learn a new language. First of all it is an amazing experience, which won`t leave you bored. It is a great skill after all. By joining a language school, you expand the circle of people with same interests, it is the way of having fun too. Many language courses are long term, so you have time to build friend relationship and it opens a new door to another interesting foreign world. You will be able to communicate in a different language, understand native speakers of the country which language you are going to learn, maybe visit it and practice in a real world.
- Education. Reading books in native language or foreign language broadens your mind. You indulge in a new world, either it is phantasy or science fiction.
- If you are a social media person and you always share feelings with different people, write a post about how you feel, if you want to be validated and receive some support, but in such case be ready that not all the comments might be pleasant, if you feel vulnerable, better open a document in your lap top and type there.
- How do you stop unrequitedly loving someone? Start with loving and caring about yourself. Go above and beyond to care about your body and soul. Eat healthy food, exercise regularly and cherish yourself.