Not so long ago I came across a very interesting letter, which I would like to share with you.
A man was writing that he had broken up with his girlfriend and in some time, he decided to begin new serious relationship. However, he could not do that because he was comparing his new girls to his ex-girlfriend and found out that they were much worse. He was puzzled and thought he would never find the right ONE. He asked for help and here is the answer that he received:
“My dear friend. It is too early to think about starting serious relationship. Scientists say that it can take you a year and a half to get over a breakup. That is why, if you want to start new relationship immediately, you will try to compensate for the previous one. You will be comparing your date to your ex all the time. Therefore, all you should do now is wait and you will soon forget your ex and look at other girls in a different way.”
What can I say about that? Of course, I agree that time heals; still I do not think it is a good idea to sit and wait till the cows come home. So, if you have found a nice girl, but still keep on comparing your date to your ex, I want to give you a couple of tips on how to stop thinking about her.
The first thing that you should do is accept the fact that your previous relationship is over and you have to move on. People are the creatures, who do not like changes, however, we always long for them. We do not want to revolutionize our surroundings, still our nature is ready for a small “surgery” and you must try to be active. Do something different. Try some new kind of sport. This will help you both become healthier and get new emotions. Travel and change your usual setting… While doing that you will definitely forget your ex girl. And, if you have already found a new girlfriend, who will join you in your new activities, you both will get marvelous impressions, which will make you closer. You will have no chance to come back to comparing your date to your ex because all that you will do will be new and different. And if you like these new impressions, you will hardly ever want to come back to the past.
The next thing I am going to talk about is a bit more difficult. It is all about our memory. Do you know that we do not remember events that have happened in our life in details? What is more, we remember only the good moments. Do you want me to give you a couple of examples? Be my guest. Do you remember winning your first game of football? It was great, wasn’t it? Do you remember falling and hurting your hand in a week after your first football victory? I have some doubts about that… The same thing is with your previous relationship. I agree that you had had a lot of fantastic moments, but why did you break up? Was it because your ex-girlfriend did not listen to you, cheated you on your best friend or showed disrespect to your parents? Do you still think it is worth comparing your date to your ex? If you broke up with her, she was not your person. Therefore, stop living in the bright past, and remember that it is actually present that we are living in. However, if you remember why your previous relationship did not work, you will have a chance to build the new one without making the same mistakes.
Finally, remember that people do have feelings, which can last for some time. That is why, you will not be able to wipe your ex out of your mind in a minute; and that is why you must learn critical thinking, which will help you see the world around you clearly. Remember, if you keep on living in the past, idealizing your ex-girlfriend, you can lose your chance to meet a girl, who can be a better match for you.