Not so long ago I came across a very interesting letter, which I would like to share with you.

A man was writing that he had broken up with his girlfriend and in some time, he decided to begin new serious relationship. However, he could not do that because he was comparing his new girls to his ex-girlfriend and found out that they were much worse. He was puzzled and thought he would never find the right ONE. He asked for help and here is the answer that he received:

“My dear friend. It is too early to think about starting serious relationship. Scientists say that it can take you a year and a half to get over a breakup. That is why, if you want to start new relationship immediately, you will try to compensate for the previous one. You will be comparing your date to your ex all the time. Therefore, all you should do now is wait and you will soon forget your ex and look at other girls in a different way.”

What can I say about that? Of course, I agree that time heals; still I do not think it is a good idea to sit and wait till the cows come home. So, if you have found a nice girl, but still keep on comparing your date to your ex, I want to give you a couple of tips on how to stop thinking about her.

The first thing that you should do is accept the fact that your previous relationship is over and you have to move on. People are the creatures, who do not like changes, however, we always long for them. We do not want to revolutionize our surroundings, still our nature is ready for a small “surgery” and you must try to be active. Do something different. Try some new kind of sport. This will help you both become healthier and get new emotions. Travel and change your usual setting… While doing that you will definitely forget your ex girl. And, if you have already found a new girlfriend, who will join you in your new activities, you both will get marvelous impressions, which will make you closer. You will have no chance to come back to comparing your date to your ex because all that you will do will be new and different. And if you like these new impressions, you will hardly ever want to come back to the past.

The next thing I am going to talk about is a bit more difficult. It is all about our memory. Do you know that we do not remember events that have happened in our life in details? What is more, we remember only the good moments. Do you want me to give you a couple of examples? Be my guest. Do you remember winning your first game of football? It was great, wasn’t it? Do you remember falling and hurting your hand in a week after your first football victory? I have some doubts about that… The same thing is with your previous relationship. I agree that you had had a lot of fantastic moments, but why did you break up? Was it because your ex-girlfriend did not listen to you, cheated you on your best friend or showed disrespect to your parents? Do you still think it is worth comparing your date to your ex? If you broke up with her, she was not your person. Therefore, stop living in the bright past, and remember that it is actually present that we are living in. However, if you remember why your previous relationship did not work, you will have a chance to build the new one without making the same mistakes.

Finally, remember that people do have feelings, which can last for some time. That is why, you will not be able to wipe your ex out of your mind in a minute; and that is why you must learn critical thinking, which will help you see the world around you clearly. Remember, if you keep on living in the past, idealizing your ex-girlfriend, you can lose your chance to meet a girl, who can be a better match for you.

One Response to “How to stop comparing your date to your ex?”

August 12, 2017 at 4:35 pm, Andrew Sachar said:

PROFESSIONAL HELP MAY BE REQUIRED

I can certainly relate with this excellent article, as I recently needed to seek professional help for this matter. You see, there was a woman that I was absolutely crazy about. And as this article points out, when this condition exists we end up comparing every woman we meet with her. Unfortunately, in our minds no woman can compare with her, preventing us from establishing a new relationship. But how can we break this “spell” cast over us? I tried for many months to get this woman out of my head, but she kept finding a way back in. Finally I had enough and sought the help from a professional relationship coach.

For the purpose of this story, let’s use a common name for this woman rather than use her real name. How about if we use the name Svetlana? That is a very common name. Yes, let’s use Svetlana. This way no one will know who I am talking about.

In my initial meeting with this coach, she asked me to tell her a little about myself and my problem. I said to her, “Hello, my name is Andrew. I am a very sexy man with many good qualities.” This seemed to catch her off guard, as she tried to hold back a laugh with a smile. I then told her, “I once saw a unicorn and could not believe my eyes. Women like her are not supposed to exist. So dynamic, elegant, and charming, I watched her every move in a state of awe and admiration. I called out to her, presented to her flowers and candies, but she eluded me.” The coach interrupted, informing me that this sounded like an extreme case of “Unicorn Syndrome”. She asked me to walk her through this experience. I summarized it in this brief dialogue:

Andrew: “Hello, Svetlana. It’s a pleasure to meet you. You are an amazing woman.”
Svetlana: “Thank you for noticing. Yes, I am quite wonderful.”
Andrew: “I would like to get to know you better.”
Svetlana: “No.”
Andrew: “Yes.”
Svetlana: “NO!”
Andrew: “Please?”
Svetlana: “NOOOOOOO!!!! And stop sending me flowers.”

After much discussion, my coach came up with a plan to help me stop thinking about this woman. As she shared with me that this was the most severe case of “Unicorn Syndrome” that she has ever dealt with, my therapy could take as long as a year to complete. This plan would require me to give up three things, though. I must admit, in the beginning I was not willing to give up these things, but as she explained it in more detail, I agreed.

#1. No alcohol.
Naturally, I objected because champagne tastes so good. After a long day at work, it’s nice to drink a few glasses of champagne.

#2. No dancing.
No dancing, I cried? But after long day at work and a few glasses of champagne, my body starts to move, my hips start to shake, and I have to work it out on the dance floor.

#3. No Hoochie Mamas.
NO HOOCHIE MAMAS? I said to her, “Look, so I have a few bottles of champagne and I dance my butt off on the dance floor. These Hoochie Mamas won’t leave me alone. When they see me dancing out there all alone, they fight to get close to me… they all want to dance with me. How am I going to stop that?”

My coach explained that this was a ripple effect. With no alcohol, I would not need to dance. Without dancing, I would not dance with countless Hoochie Mamas. I interrupted asking, “What does this have to do with me not being able to stop thinking about this woman Svetlana?” My coach smiled and stated, “These women are inferior to this Svetlana woman. Anyone can see this. That is why you cannot stop thinking about her. She is educated, elegant, and charming. These Hoochie Mamas are cheap and easy. How could anyone think highly of these women?”

Yes, now I was beginning to see her point. I first needed to stop spending time with cheap and easy women. Although they are very fun, they are part of the problem. Next, I would need to work on some personal development. I would need to focus my time over the next 12 months on personal achievements; make a million dollars in the stock market, find the cure for cancer, establish world peace, etc., you know, easy goals to keep my mind occupied. After 12 months or so, my coach believes that I will be mentally ready to meet highly educated, respectful women again.

August 12, 2017 at 4:35 pm, Andrew Sachar said:
PROFESSIONAL HELP MAY BE REQUIRED
I can certainly relate with this excellent article, as I recently needed to seek professional help for this matter. You see, there was a woman that I was absolutely crazy about. And as this article points out, when this condition exists we end up comparing every woman we meet with her. Unfortunately, in our minds no woman can compare with her, preventing us from establishing a new relationship. But how can we break this “spell” cast over us? I tried for many months to get this woman out of my head, but she kept finding a way back in. Finally I had enough and sought the help from a professional relationship coach.
For the purpose of this story, let’s use a common name for this woman rather than use her real name. How about if we use the name Svetlana? That is a very common name. Yes, let’s use Svetlana. This way no one will know who I am talking about.
In my initial meeting with this coach, she asked me to tell her a little about myself and my problem. I said to her, “Hello, my name is Andrew. I am a very sexy man with many good qualities.” This seemed to catch her off guard, as she tried to hold back a laugh with a smile. I then told her, “I once saw a unicorn and could not believe my eyes. Women like her are not supposed to exist. So dynamic, elegant, and charming, I watched her every move in a state of awe and admiration. I called out to her, presented to her flowers and candies, but she eluded me.” The coach interrupted, informing me that this sounded like an extreme case of “Unicorn Syndrome”. She asked me to walk her through this experience. I summarized it in this brief dialogue:
Andrew: “Hello, Svetlana. It’s a pleasure to meet you. You are an amazing woman.”
Svetlana: “Thank you for noticing. Yes, I am quite wonderful.”
Andrew: “I would like to get to know you better.”
Svetlana: “No.”
Andrew: “Yes.”
Svetlana: “NO!”
Andrew: “Please?”
Svetlana: “NOOOOOOO!!!! And stop sending me flowers.”
After much discussion, my coach came up with a plan to help me stop thinking about this woman. As she shared with me that this was the most severe case of “Unicorn Syndrome” that she has ever dealt with, my therapy could take as long as a year to complete. This plan would require me to give up three things, though. I must admit, in the beginning I was not willing to give up these things, but as she explained it in more detail, I agreed.
#1. No alcohol.
Naturally, I objected because champagne tastes so good. After a long day at work, it’s nice to drink a few glasses of champagne.
#2. No dancing.
No dancing, I cried? But after long day at work and a few glasses of champagne, my body starts to move, my hips start to shake, and I have to work it out on the dance floor.
#3. No Hoochie Mamas.
NO HOOCHIE MAMAS? I said to her, “Look, so I have a few bottles of champagne and I dance my butt off on the dance floor. These Hoochie Mamas won’t leave me alone. When they see me dancing out there all alone, they fight to get close to me… they all want to dance with me. How am I going to stop that?”
My coach explained that this was a ripple effect. With no alcohol, I would not need to dance. Without dancing, I would not dance with countless Hoochie Mamas. I interrupted asking, “What does this have to do with me not being able to stop thinking about this woman Svetlana?” My coach smiled and stated, “These women are inferior to this Svetlana woman. Anyone can see this. That is why you cannot stop thinking about her. She is educated, elegant, and charming. These Hoochie Mamas are cheap and easy. How could anyone think highly of these women?”
Yes, now I was beginning to see her point. I first needed to stop spending time with cheap and easy women. Although they are very fun, they are part of the problem. Next, I would need to work on some personal development. I would need to focus my time over the next 12 months on personal achievements; make a million dollars in the stock market, find the cure for cancer, establish world peace, etc., you know, easy goals to keep my mind occupied. After 12 months or so, my coach believes that I will be mentally ready to meet highly educated, respectful women again.