Is Your Relationship Based on Love or Lust?
Lust versus Love. Let`s give definitions to both terms. Love is a deep affection, an intense feeling to a special person, on the contrary lust is craving only for sex. While affection means loyalty, desire to compromise and be tolerant, lusting after someone while in a relationship means passion. The effect may be different, in the first case it gives stability and peace while in the second case it might cause frustration and vulnerability.
How can you tell the difference between love and lust? In the first case, intimacy means more than just mechanical movements, it is sensual and intimate. In the second case everything is about physical satisfaction.
What is a relationship based on? It is based on trust and mutual feelings. How do I know if it`s love or lust?
Signs of deep affection:
- You have shared future plans. You are enjoying present time together, but you cannot imagine future without the presence of your beloved one. You are planning house and children together.
- Emotional support. Your partner listens to you, supports when you feel down, cheers you up, takes your opinion into consideration.
- Apologizing. When two people have small fights, it is absolutely normal. If it is a constructive debate, it is the way of improving in healthy relationship. If you partner feels sorry, she cares about your feelings.
- You are mutually interested in all aspects of life.
- Understanding that there are no ideal people. Accept each other`s flaws.
- You feel secure to share your thoughts and secrets.
- Commitment. Your partner is loyal to you and you feel the same.
- Personal growth. Feelings contribute to your improvement as a person.
- Substantiality. You feel deep affection, vulnerability, without being afraid to show a real you.
- Being compatible on all levels. You accept each other`s philosophy of life, you have common views on handling money, which is very important for building a happy family, you are compatible as well as you click sexually.
You should watch a movie “The Notebook”, which shows a story of true love that found its way through a lifetime, through struggles and obstacles. A young lady from a rich family Allie comes to the suburbs for summer holidays with her family. She goes out with a female friend in the evening and gets acquainted to a poor guy Noah, who works as a lumberjack. Noah strikes Allie with simple questions while walking in the evening. He is interested in her hobbies and what she likes doing in free time. She has always been busy doing all parents want that she forgot to think about it. Noah and Allie passionately fall in love with each other, forgetting all the “rules and regulations” of a noble family. Noah is invited by Allie`s father for dinner with a purpose of showing his daughter that he is not a match. By asking him questions about his income in front of wealthy people, they were trying to diminish him, but it didn`t influence Allie at all. The lady`s mum prohibited to see Noah and decided to take the daughter far away from that place. She wished Allie to marry a rich guy. It was a very hard break up, they both love each other so much. As soon as she left from his village, he tried to contact Allie by sending 365 letters during the year, but the lady`s mum hid all of them. Thinking that Noah forgot her, she was in despair. Her parents found a rich gentleman who was willing to marry her. Right before the wedding she saw a newspaper with a house, which was on sale, but the main thing it was built by her sweetheart Noah. She headed to see him the last time and they couldn`t let each other go.
What does lust mean in relationship? It is physical connection between two people which doesn`t last too long. If you feel amazing with a person between the sheets but after you have nothing in common. You have different views on life, controversial opinions and completely opposite interests even though it feels fantastic to be together in bed. You are not on the same page in life, you choose an active getaway while your partner prefers staying at home, while choosing a movie you want a comedy and she wants phantasy movie, you eat healthy and she likes junk food, you are for fitness, your partner for sleeping in bed. If relationship based on lust, you can feel very excited and think it is true feelings, because you are eager to call and text every hour, see each other very often. It might be deceiving and wear off too soon.
When you are falling in lust, you are excited because of release of hormones.
The difference of loving someone, you connect with each other on a deeper level having meaningful conversations. You try to see only good, avoiding judgments but up to healthy limits. Strong affection can survive long-distance relationship while lust won`t. For example your partner got an offer of a dream job in another country or city, will you support her? It is hard but if you want your beloved one to fulfill dreams and goals, you will definitely be supportive and distance must only make your love stronger. One of my friends had been dating a guy she met for 3 months, they were really into each other when she got admitted in New York university, the city she was always dreaming about and higher education she was willing to get. On the one hand her biggest and wildest dream came true, on the other hand she was so much in love with a man of her dream. Too much to be on the scale. But because of his support, understanding and great feelings she followed the dream and went to the States to study. Their feelings were only growing with each day, she graduated from university and at the end they stayed together, got married and live happy now.