The state of being jealous is quite unpleasant and hurts a lot of people. It poisons you, causes insecurities in a relationship depriving it of harmony. In this article, I’d like to share some advice on how to overcome jealousy and save your cherished feelings.
To begin with, let me answer the question, which you might have asked more than once why am I so jealous? There can be several responses:
- Fear to lose what you love;
- Being uncertain while getting over trust issues between you and your partner; being unsure of their sincerity and fondness based on… you are not going to believe it!!! based on YOUR self-doubt telling there are plenty of candidates more suitable for your spouse walking around.
- Being possessive, thinking you must own and rule the life of your beloved.
- Any other inferiority complexes and fears.
What do not we see among the reasons poisoning our bond? LOVE! In spite of being the first thing, which comes to our mind when we think of what causes jealousy. Love is not to blame for that. It is only fear. So, what do we have to do? How not to be jealous?
1.Get rid of anything that does not serve your affection.
Spy games, instant phone-calls to find out where your mate is, having them by short hairs… Subconsciously, one would think by doing so they have found out how to deal with trust issues and insecurities and serve a healthy connection. However, such paranoia caused by jealousy does exactly the opposite and only creates new problems.
Next time, being under jealousy attack, wishing to shout at your beloved or check their phone for “illegal” messages ask yourself:
- how will it help?
- will it prevent the losses you fear?
If your answer is negative, then give your green-eyed monster red light. Of course, you cannot get rid of it completely, still, it will be the first step to get over your problem.
2.Say good-bye to your worries and frights.
Our thoughts tend to influence our reality, believe it or not. So, if your head is filled with thoughts about how to overcome insecurity in relationships, what happens first is that whatever there is between you and your better half could become less strong and insecure.
Do not think of what would happen if – she cheats on me or he finds another woman – do not be afraid of the future, just enjoy your present moment. If you love your spouse but constantly fear to lose them, you cannot be content and pleased with your relationship. Your fear of a possible dark future makes you unhappy!!! So, wave it good-bye and enjoy every single moment of what you have in the present.
If you are really interested in learning how to deal with jealousy, stop comparing you and other possible candidates for having an affair with your beloved. It is not a sports competition. Since you have had a close rapport for some time, there can be no rivals as you have created what you have now, you know each other, you have gone through obstacles together. There isn’t anyone, who can compare with you. It is not some qualities, but the experience you have lived through that makes your girlfriend love you. Remember that!
It is still impossible to cope with the ghost of your beloved’s ex. You have no idea how to accept the past of your partner and do not cease to compare. Therefore, it’s high time you tried spending more time together at present. Show your care and support. Discuss any troubles you have. Develop and vary your life non-stop, 24 hours a day instead of trying to reveal lies or any other wrongdoings of your girlfriend.
5.Take your imagination over control.
She is working late and you imagine a horrible picture in which some other man is touching her. Do not get too fast about creating images. Otherwise, you will get lost in your own creation and have no chance to see the real picture.
Let your mind relax and switch to a different issue. Having taken over the emotions you might understand your worries were groundless. They could also be proved. However, with your mind freed from extra images, you will be able to analyze the whole situation.
6.Stop living your mate’s life only.
Very often jealousy appears when one person is obsessed with the other’s life. This happens when they have no personal interests. In fact, it is not only about jealousy, it is about over-control. You must understand your anxiety and interference with your partner’s life could never make neither you nor them happy.
So, the way of how to stop being controlling and jealous is to make a difference. Find your own hobbies and passion and devote your free time to it. Of course, it does not mean you must ignore the one beside you, let your new pastimes show you there are other things apart from your love.
7.Do just the opposite.
The opposite of what your green-eyed monster tells you to. For instance, if you see your lady talking to a nice gentleman, instead of getting angry, come over and join the conversation. He could be just her colleague and being good-mannered, your girlfriend just could not go past without greeting him. And you will understand what absurd thoughts you had.
8.Be sincere. No games.
Give up spying and doubts. If you worry about something, ask your spouse. Still do not start a quarrel. Stay calm, tell about your doubts, and see what they reply. Though, before starting such a conversation, think straight about the whole situation and make sure your suspicions are reasonable.
9.Trust your beloved.
The issue of trust is echoed throughout my article. Still, being vital for healthy relationships, it is worth being discussed separately.
First of all, think whether you do have any reason not to trust your lady. There could be something, but often we start being suspicious not because we do not believe someone, but because we do not feel confident. In this matter, jealousy has no grounds at all.
Then, why not believe your partner and stop seeing deception in their every word. If you cannot get rid of suspicions, change something. On the other hand, you are likely to realize how stupid your fears were and faith in your love is changing your rapport and making you happy. You will definitely want to leave this trust forever.
10.Be ready to forgive.
I do not want you, my dear reader, to think I offer you to miss out on obvious problems and throw jealousy which has grounds away.
Just if you know you could forgive and begin trusting again after cheating; it won’t put an end to what you have; together you can change and improve your life without making the same again, you won’t be afraid to be cheated. And the reasons to be jealous will fade away. Still, both partners have to trust each other and desire to develop relationships.
Valeria Matskevich With Love