Working in the dating industry for almost 10 years I have faced the biggest cliché that any gentleman from the USA or Western Europe can easily buy “true love” of a much younger beautiful Ukrainian girls.
Let’s start with defining love. Let’s agree from the very beginning that we are speaking about the strong mutual feeling that is deeper than just lust and passion. Let’s assume that finding the life partner and building serious relationship is a final goal.
Not so long ago I was interviewing a gentleman from the wonderful state Texas, who told me he was looking for a girl in her 30s, never married with no kids, who is stylish, hot and is not interested in material things. The gentleman was in his late 50s. I have asked him to describe several ladies that he has dated lately back home. He told me that he has dated two women in their 50s. One of them he has met on-line on the local dating site and another he has met through mutual friends. I have found this gentleman on Facebook and have looked through the photos of himself and his last girlfriend. She looked like an average American lady in her 50s – short hair, perfect white smile, large clothes size, jeans and T-shirts clothes style. When I have asked the gentleman to describe the lady he would like to meet in Ukraine he has decided to send me several photos. These were professional models – tall, slim, elegant, long hair, late 20s.
I have started thinking what has caused such an “upgrade” in the league of the ladies he wanted to date. It reminded me of the story my close friend has told me. She works for a big IT company and one of her employees came to her to ask for the salary increase. She has asked him why should she raise his salary? Did he gain extra skills that he can use at work, like learning a new computer language, receiving an extra degree or attending a professional training program? What made him more valuable? She told me about this common situation at work when we were having a breakfast together and I was thinking about her answer till lunchtime. When we apply for work (not first job) we already have an education, experience and some skills. A single mother with three little kids usually understands that her potential boss will worry of course that she has children, they are small and can be sick, need extra attention and her ex-husband is out of the picture to help. As well as a single young girl that is applying for a job understands that probably the company she is applying for will be concerned if in several months she decides she wants to get married, have kids or start another career.
When people start dating and especially if they have been out from the dating market for a while pretty often they fall into two extremes. Some people underestimate themselves and think that no one will want to date them or they quickly agree to date a first single person they meet. Other group falls into the opposite extreme – they start thinking that everyone wants to date them and they can “choose” whomever they want. As a professional dating coach I would say that working with both groups could be complex, but always interesting and rewarding.
Pretty often foreign men think that if they date outside their country – then their chances for success will increase to 100%. Let’s define which expectations will be fulfilled and which are just rumors and clichés that shouldn’t be taken seriously from the very beginning.
Rumor №1 All Ukrainian women are hot and beautiful.
This rumor is true. Many beauty contests have proven that Ukrainian girls are truly beautiful. There must be something in the air and water, what makes Ukrainian ladies hot and beautiful and their beauty long lasting. It is a total myth though that girls like Olga Kurylenko and Mila Kunis walk down all Ukrainian cities and villages.
Rumor №2 All Ukrainian women are open and willing to date a foreign man.
This is a 100% myth. This is not true. The dating arena in Ukraine is really tough. To get the right man the lady has to compete with other Ukrainian women, who just like her are smart, single, beautiful and well-educated. This is why many Ukrainian girls decide to expand the geography of their search. They find the competition in Ukraine too exhausting and not reasonable. So the percentage of women who are willing to date a foreign gentleman is not large, but still impressive. At Diolli.com every day we receive 10-20 requests from the ladies to be added to our database.
Rumor №3 All Ukrainian girls are open to date a much older gentleman.
This is the cliché that I face everyday. Many foreign gentlemen tell me that they have no doubts Ukrainian ladies are willing to date someone 20-30 years older. This is a total rumor. In real life it doesn’t happen like that. Many women are willing to date someone who is 5-10 years older, but not 25 years older. Of course there is exception to every rule and each case is unique. We have created a fantastic couple whose daughter has just turned 2 years old and they have 20 years old age gap. The lady is 32 years old and the gentleman is 52 years old. When you look at them though you would think she is 25 years old and he is 38 years old. Guys, if you are reading this – we love you dearly!
Rumor №4 Ukrainian women are willing to date men of different races.
Having almost 10 years of experience as a professional matchmaker I can tell you that it is always tough to match people of different races, but they always have the cutes babies. Last week I have been interviewing a Chinese gentleman, who lives in Western Europe. While talking to him I have created a mental list:
Advantages: he is young (only 30 years old), he has never been married and has no kids from previous marriages (this is what most of my female clients wants), he has a great education and is smart (almost every girl mention that she wants to see this in her match), he speaks several languages (in the eyes of the girls their future children will speak all these languages), he is in a great shape and works out a lot (another big plus for many young girls), he is sweet and has a sense of humor (what a great bonus). Difficulties that I will face matching him – he is not tall, so I will have to search for a petite girl that can wear high heels and still not tower over him, he is Chinese and his culture is different from Ukrainian, so not every girl will be open to date him. As a matchmaker I understand that this client will be harder to match, than for example a gentleman from Australia with blond hair and blue eyes, because the potential match for our Chinese client should be attracted to cheese culture and his looks. We have created couples like that already and their kids are super cute.
Rumor №5 You have to start your date with the Ukrainian woman with the expensive gift.
We always ask our clients not to do this. There is a rule that works in all cultures “you start buying, so she will start selling”. So what to do? Come to the first date empty-handed? This will be a big mistake. Start with the place – first date is a special event. You want your date to wear a seductive dress and beautiful make-up – invite her to a romantic restaurant. You will have a dinner, maybe a glass of wine. The candles and soft music will help to create romantic mood. And please don’t forget to bring flowers. I would recommend watching our video about flowers and traditions in Ukraine. International dating is different from local dating. Back home you can ask the girl out for coffee and to the cinema and only after several weeks of casual dating invite her out for dinner to show her that your intentions are serious. When you travel half the world to meet a Ukrainian girl it already means that you are serious, so it would be not logical to invite her just for coffee. Also for a coffee date don’t expect her to wear high heels and a dress – jeans and sneakers will be there. Her mood will be similar. She won’t have a chance to look her best and dress to impress and for Ukrainian girls this is truly important. When you travel to Ukraine you will have limited amount of time, so spending several weeks on casual coffee drinking won’t be too rational.
Rumor №6 All Ukrainian girls speak only Russian and Ukrainian.
Of course if you start searching in the small village or a small town it would be harder to find there a girl who speaks English. Why should she? It is easier to find an English speaking lady in a big city, because the chances that she has studied the language in the university or school are higher. Many Ukrainian girls learn English because they need it for their career, thought of course it doesn’t mean that the majority of people in Ukraine speak English. Not so long ago I was interviewing a lady who speaks implacable French and Turkish because she works for a French company that has a big production in Istanbul.
Rumor №7 It is impossible to find a decent job in Ukraine.
This is a total myth. Again if we are speaking about a big city like Kiev and Kharkov there are always career opportunities there. Of course your chances to get a good position depend greatly on your education, age, personality and career experience. Many female clients of Diolli.com have moved to Kharkov from small towns to increase their career chances. So if you are talking on-line to a 30 years old lady with a university degree with whom you haven’t met off-line yet and she asks you to send her money, because she “can’t find job” and “economics is bad in Ukraine” – these are red flags. Run away from that girl.
Rumor №8 Every Ukrainian girl dreams to leave Ukraine and live elsewhere.
I will share a story with you. Last year we have introduced a beautiful 38 years old accountant from Kharkov, Ukraine to a handsome 50 years old Programmer from New-York. This lady during her first interview in our office told us that she is open to date a gentleman from a German speaking country because she speaks German. She worked for a German company in Ukraine and often travelled to Germany. When I have recommended her to meet our client from the USA she was sceptical, because her English was basic. But chemistry and love know no boarders and countries. They have fallen in love and soon they will have their first baby. This lady told me that during her first acquaintance with the friends of her fiancé all of them were asking her “why do you want to leave Ukraine”. She honestly answered them all that leaving Ukraine was never her intention. She had a well-paid job in Ukraine, nice apartment and car (which she bought herself after the divorce with her first husband), friends and favorite restaurants. She was choosing not between life in Kharkov and life in New York. She was choosing between single life in Kharkov and happy marriage with a gentleman from New York. She said that she made up her mind the moment she has found out she was pregnant. She has realized that her now fiancé was the man she always wanted. She wanted him to be a father of their future child and she would be so proud to be his wife. And to be with this man she had to leave her current job and improve her English – at that moment the choice for obvious though of course not super easy. Dear gentleman, if you still think that by marrying a Ukrainian woman you rescue her from Ukraine then you should try to look at the situation from the other side. You can rescue her from loneliness and loveless life, but definitely not from the country she loves.
We know that there are so many rumors and clichés about Ukraine and international dating. We hope that now you know that some rumors are just rumors so you shouldn’t rely on them blindly.
I wish you only pleasant successful dates and as they say at the popular saying “True gentlemen drive German, earn in Switzerland, eat French and marry Ukrainian”.
From Svetlana, With love)