Signs That You’re In An Enmeshed Relationship
Every relationship should bring joy, security and positive emotions. When we think about finding a partner, we imagine a person who loves us, supports and is on the same page with us, don’t we? We are not striving to have problems, misunderstanding and lack of trust.
Sometimes we do come across obstacles, small arguments and different points of view, which is absolutely normal and can be avoided easily by discussion, tolerance of characters, tempers and making compromises. But if you notice signs of enmeshed relationship which alert you and you start suffering, then you need to be careful and know the reasons and consequences.
The definition of enmeshment is invading in personal space, crossing boundaries, abuse and toxic feelings.
What are the indicators of enmeshment in relationships?
- Emotional enmeshment. It can happen without you realizing that. Subconsciously, you might be emotional abuser and you are not aware of it. If you want to devote all your time to a loved one, it is not always good. An individual should have his own space, hobbies and free time. If you insist on spending every minute together, don`t let your girlfriend go out with her friends, try to be possessive, it is not a healthy sign. She exchanges positive energy with friends and then is going to share a positive vibe with you.
- Lack of control of your own life. If you give instructions what she must do every time in all spheres, at work, friend`s circle, insist on wearing clothes that you like, on listening music that you prefer. It is nice to give advice and share an opinion, but not to take control over all aspects of life. It is unhealthy if you cannot be independent without your beloved one, when he or she is not around you have a sick feeling, you constantly need this person either physically or on the phone.
- You cannot do anything without her approval. It is good to ask an opinion when taking an important decision, buying property, car or wedding present, but not a constant support in choosing a type of bread, juice and the colour of your notebook.
- Constant anxiety and guilty feeling. You feel guilty about going out with your friend after work for half an hour, because you worry about spending your free time with someone else but not your partner. If your girlfriend is not in the mood and depressed, you feel the same, ashamed to lift spirits. Because you think if you share her sad feelings, she will be better. Definitely you should support each other, but not to overtake the feelings.
- Religious enmeshment. You might belong to different religions and you are aware of this fact. Nevertheless you try to get another person involved, make her observe the culture traditions of your religion and getting frustrated if it is not the kind of reaction you expected, manipulating. She must respect other religions, but doesn’t have to follow without own will.
Healthy relationship shouldn`t have these warning signs. How to eliminate enmeshment?
Don`t take decisions for other people. We are responsible for our own life. Don`t treat your partner as a child, who needs help in everything.
Monitor each aspect of life: emotional, sexual, physical. Maybe you miss something important in some of them. Check on emotional stability, triggers of bad mood and abnormal behavior and there won`t be such problems.