I am a professional matchmaker for almost 10 years now and it is truly a passion and career for me and definitely not just an exotic hobby. To be really good in every profession you have to be really skilled and experienced in what you are doing. Of course you have to constantly work on improving your skills, learn from the experience of your colleagues, read and analyze professional literature and keep observing people. But sometimes even a really professional matchmaker with skills sharp as teeth of a tiger can’t prevent failure of the client if he or she has decided to sabotage the matchmaking process.
How can a male client sabotage matchmaking process? Is he insane to pay the matchmaker and not to truly accept and use all the perks of the process?
I can list 3 main problems created by male clients with their own actions that prevent them to achieve great results and to meet someone special.
We call it “I don’t feel attracted to her photos or I don’t feel chemistry”
Let me comment on this one. First of all it is ridiculous to expect “chemistry” from the photo. It is just a photo! Some people photograph really well. Some people don’t photograph well at all. Pretty often the photo especially if it is a professional photo doesn’t channel the true personality of the person. It channels the personality of the photographer or the way the photographer and the stylist saw that person on that exact day. So if you are looking for the “perfect photo” you should keep in mind that this is the road to nowhere. Even if you find the perfect photo in 99% cases the real meeting can turn into a huge disappointment for you. The person in front of you will be a real human being and humans are not perfect. She can wear another make-up or hairstyle and will look different from the “perfect photo”. Even if the lady is truly beautiful and sweet you still can feel deceived because in real life her hair is not as curly and she is not a “dress type of a girl”, but is “jeans type of a girl”, or just because the lightening in the restaurant during your date is different than the lightening in the photo studio.
When the client tries to limit the matchmaker to search for a “perfect photo” and not for the right person, this client takes a direct road to a huge disappointment. Matchmaker will have to ignore too many factors, because he or she will be looking for an exact look and not for the right match anymore.
I remember one of my male clients wanted to date a girl who is a natural blond with green eyes. When I have asked him why he wants this exact look, he told me that this was the “only look he felt attracted to”. By the way his ex-girlfriend was a beautiful Asian girl. Anyway, the gentleman kept looking for “perfect” green eyes and “perfect” by his own standards blond color. I have warned him that this strategy won’t work. We have managed to specially recruit for him natural blonds with green eyes. He has declined 25 candidates and we have approved 5 ladies not because they had a great personality or strong family values, but because their eyes were perfectly green and the girls photographed really well. Unfortunately none of those ladies has found him attractive after the first date. He didn’t want to accept reality that not only a gentleman has a right to choose whom to find attractive, but ladies have this right and use it as well. He turned out to be not the type of a guy whom naturally blond ladies with green eyes find attractive.
I always have plan B for all my clients so I have insisted on introducing him to a beautiful girl with fair hair, grey eyes, great personality and education. She worked in the similar sphere and they had lots in common. She liked his sense of humor. After five dates the gentleman told me that he wouldn’t proceed dating this girl because she didn’t have green eyes and perfectly blond hair. 6 months after he contacted me again to find out if that girl was still available. She was not. She was dating for several weeks my other client (now they are engaged). My ex-client who fancies so much “perfect photos of perfect blonds with green eyes” is still single (4 years since I have worked with him).
When the client doesn’t listen to any dating tips and advice
Dating can become a game with lots of hidden catches and rules that are changing every minute. International dating adds to this numerous differences in culture and traditions.
I always tell my male clients that the matchmaker and entire diolli.com team is on his side and it is our duty to help him in all possible ways to achieve the results he wants. But sometimes clients think “they know it better”.
I had this male client several years ago. During the first or second date with the lady he found it appropriate to call his mother and introduce his date to her. Should I tell you that ladies found it strange and he didn’t get the next date? I have explained to him why he shouldn’t do it, he seemed to agree, but during the next first date with the new lady he called his mom again…
Or another gentleman who had a painful divorce several years before he has started dating again. I have recommended him to avoid sharing information about his divorce during the first several dates with the ladies, because first dates are the time to get to know your new date and enjoy “here and now” and not to dig down into the past. Of course he has neglected my advice, telling me later “he wanted to be honest with his dates”. It turned out he was “too honest” calling his ex-wife “greedy bitch”, “unfaithful whore”, etc. Should I explain why his new dates were not willing to ever answer his phone calls?
Why do some male clients choose to lie to a matchmaker is beyond my understanding. When you go to see the doctor do you lie to him that for example your heart hurts if in real life your finger hurts because you believe it is “not cool” to see the doctor when just your finger hurts?
Lies can be different. Sometimes clients are too scared or shy to admit something to themselves and we usually find the truth out together during the matchmaking process. This is a huge important part of the matchmaking process! For example, I had this client who fancied curvy ladies, but when we have started working with him he claimed he wanted to date a “gym bunny” just because he believed this is the “right”, the “popular” type. We have helped him to understand his preferences and he ended up marring a beautiful curvy doctor (he was a doctor too).
But lies can be not that innocent. We had a client who lied to us about his height. When he has arrived to the first date the lady was wearing shoes with high heels because she has expected to see a very tall guy. He ended up barely reaching her shoulder and the date was SUPER awkward.
Or we had a client who lied about being not religious. Why did he do that? We have many beautiful religious ladies in our base who dream to meet a religious gentleman. He lied about the importance of religion to him and ended up frightening several not religious ladies by quoting the Bible the entire date.
Svetlana Mukha, with love