7 Things to Never Change About Yourself In A Relationship
Do not sacrifice these 7 things and do not change yourself for a partner:
- Friends. Making someone cut all the contacts with friends is a sign of a toxic or obsessive partner. When you just started dating, you really cannot go out every weekend with your friends the same as before, but still you can meet each other from time to time.
- Dreams. A partner must not discourage you unless your dream is illegal. Not being yourself in a relationship is not going to bring successful results.
- Family. It is something that will never change for you, so you shouldn`t give up on your family because of your partner.
- Career. Grow professionally and never change yourself. A lot of people regret not using time efficiently when they are young. It is a foundation of your career, try yourself in different spheres. Someone is lucky to choose education and a career straight after school, someone needs more time to find his call in life. As it takes the most part of our lives, it is important to choose the right path in order to be always happy.
- Values. You do not have to change them to fall in line.
- Hobbies. Unless it is something unhealthy like excessive drinking, having 25 bottles of beer while watching football every weekend.
- Style. Don`t be too radical, if you don`t like everything it is time to think if it is the right person for you. Maybe you like an ideal image not a real person. If you met a brunette with short hair and sporty style, you must not turn her into a blonde in high heels shoes and blue eyes just because you have been always dreaming about such a girlfriend since childhood. Then maybe it is better to find blonde with all the parameters?
How to be yourself in a relationship?
Have connection with your inner self. Ask what you really want at the moment, tomorrow, in 5 years, what is your dream, what is your fear and goals in life. After discovering the answers for all these questions, follow your heart. To keep a personality identity is really important to be happy in a couple. If you are naturally very cheerful, dynamic, a person who likes challenges, don`t try to hide it, there are people who will love you the way you are.
If it comes to changing yourself in a relationship, it is only for the best. In order not to lose your identity, it is important to know your values.
Let`s imagine your significant one is offered a job in another country, a job of her dream, she comes after work home very excited to share with you big news. Would you agree just to make her happy and keep relationship going without even considering your benefits and future, or you would weigh all the pros and cons of moving countries personally for you? I personally know one couple, who had the same circumstances in life. They started dating in Ukraine in their own native city, he had Jewish roots, so he had more job and life opportunities in Israel with many benefits. My female friend was really in love with him. He was offered a really good job in Israel and asked his girlfriend to move there with him. She, on the contrary, had her family and friends here as well as a great successful career. She had to sacrifice and moved there with him. But every single day she regretted, because she didn`t like the food, the weather and missed her surrounding so much. She also didn`t have any friends, he had many though. But most of his friends are religious, so they were attending special events every Saturday and he also devoted much time to his community. She felt like she was losing her identity, no close friends, no hobbies, just him and his world. Even upon mentioning it to him, he didn`t pay much attention, motivating it with the fact that he was earning money for them. It didn`t work out at the end and she had to come back after missing 2 years of her life. So before making sacrifices for your beloved ones, think about your own life too.
Here are some tips to make your relationship healthy:
- Make sure you are on the same page and you understand each other. Sometimes people carry the grudge for years and the other person doesn`t have a clue what went wrong. Recently my female friend told me a story about her boyfriend. He promised to help her with some household chores, she lives in a private house and every year she orders wooden sticks for a fireplace, a stock for winter. Her boyfriend decided to help her and said he would do it through his connections. She was nagging him every day, so not today? Not tomorrow? At the end he ordered them in 2 weeks, the winter hadn`t started yet by that time, but she wanted them right at that moment. She was so upset, almost devastated and every day was in a bad mood. But she was keeping a grudge to herself without telling him anything. He was surprised and didn`t understand what was going on. Instead of talking to him, she was expressing disappointment to me. It is important to communicate with a partner.
- Avoid fighting too much. Disagreements are inevitable, but be careful with words, they might hurt. It is easy to lose temper, but you should learn to control your emotions and be patient. Have a conversation face to face. It is important to observe a partner`s facial expression, body language and gesture. But don`t let your talking time exceed your listening time. It is equally important. It is meant to be a two-sided conversation.
- Find time for yourself. Read a book in silence, meet a friend you haven`t seen for long, listen to music or watch a movie.
- Date a partner. You shouldn`t put aside romance in your relationship. Prepare small surprises, treat each other with fresh cappuccino in the morning, send a gift card in order to show affection without a reason. Spark relationship with romantic date nights, send a bouquet of flowers to the office or arrange a spa day at home. Have a relaxing bath with rose petals and champagne together.
- Treat yourself with respect, if you know how to do it, then you never let other person disrespect you in any way. You will know your boundaries, which no one can cross. You should be able to stand up for yourself and know where to stand your ground.
- Be vulnerable. Humans are not perfect, we all have flaws. Open your heart and build trust.