What It Really Means to Be in Love
Ayn Rand has said “To say “I love you” one must first know how to say the “I”. We strongly agree with the true meaning of these words, so we have put this quote on the main page of our website.
During the first interview with our potential clients who are looking for love or who believe it is time to start dating, we try to understand not only why they believe now is the right time, but also to learn their true (often hidden) intentions. What are their relationship goals? What can they offer to their partner and what do they expect in return?
Some men and women confuse real feelings with lust. They sincerely believe they are searching for a love partner, but if they are absolutely honest with themselves, if they analyze their dating history and actually think about their deepest desires, they will understand that they are craving flirt, romance, and new emotions. Some people date while they like the process: they meet new people, brush ego, increase self-esteem, get high on new emotions, and move on to the new interest. They call each such romantic adventure a relationship and believe their feelings were unique and true.
While others are craving a deeper meaningful connection and cannot imagine strong attraction and romantical interest in multiple singles.
Lots of articles, videos, and books devoted to finding the right person promise you a solution, a magic pill to solve all the problems. But how to be sure that a beautiful lady in front of you is the one? Is it possible to verify she is looking for a long-term relationship and you perceive it the same way?
We would recommend thinking about your goals. Is official marriage something you want? When do you want to tie the knot? Do you want to have kids? When and how many? Do you expect your future wife to be a stay at home mom or maybe to build a family business together with you or to climb the carrier ladder?
The main question remains: What does it mean to be in love?
Our leading matchmaker often asks our clients to describe affection. Often gentlemen answer that affection equals being attentive or caring. So, if the lady wants to show a gentleman her interest she has to be caring. For some men, mutual fondness means she is listening to him and easily understands him, for other gentlemen it means she cooks his dinners. Over the years we have heard many definitions: “feelings to me are strong and real because she gets my sense of humor”; “she is into me because she touches me and kisses me”; “she finds compromises and is ready to sacrifice some of her own desires”; “she is on the same page with me”, etc. Very often gentlemen claim “she is the one” because there is strong physical attraction or sex is good.
To be in love has such a different meaning. Some men and women claim that loving a person means being responsible and protective. While others crave being supportive and understanding.
How to find someone for a relationship? Not just a girl you feel physically attracted to, but someone who is on the same page with you about feelings, family, and affection? A partner who has already learned to say “I” and is ready to say the three important words and make the next step?
Start with being honest with yourself. Why are you even looking for a long-term relationship? Why do you choose this type of woman? Which results do you need? Can this woman really help you achieve your goals? Do they align with hers? Or perhaps you have chosen to chase her just because you like her eyes and bra size? Do you actually need to date someone 15 years younger or is it your ego talking? Perhaps you just feel physical attraction and there is no deeper feeling there after all?
So many questions and you would like to hear answers. To be honest there is no standard answer. Your definition of real feelings and passion is unique and only yours. The trick is to find the lady who shares your understanding and vision of the important topics. It is possible to try to learn this on your own or you may use the experience of the professional matchmaker. But keep in mind a matchmaker is not a magician and he cannot transform your lust interest into a healthy meaningful match, neither can he change dating goals of another person. For sure professional cupid can show you the week points in your dating strategy, but it will be up to you to change them. And of course, only you yourself should learn how to say “I” before you say the three magical words to the right woman.