Modern life brings changes to our routine every day. Things that were fantastic for us become ordinary very soon. Internet, social media, and apps create connections between all people in the world. Any gadget in your pocket can make you closer to your friend on another continent. If you want to congratulate your relative who lives in another city you can do it not only with a message but by seeing each other on video, drinking a glass of wine, or watching a movie together. We become closer to each other but at the same time, all these technologies make us lazier in some way. It looks like all these changes should solve the problem of loneliness but in reality, there are a lot of single people all over the world. Very often the number of your subscribers on Instagram or the number of your friends on Facebook gives you neither quality communication nor real support when it’s necessary. Let’s discuss several common reasons why people stay single nowadays.
The illusion of socializing
Online parties, birthdays, celebrations, and even dates are not fantastic anymore. They have become normal and usual parts of our lives and connections with people. I think we all know funny stories about people wearing just a formal shirt and pajama shorts on official calls, as
nobody sees their legs, or pets that accidentally turn a serious call into a funny YouTube video. Frankly speaking, online communication “relaxes” people. Your interactions are less serious when you talk with a screen compared to an offline meeting. You don’t go anywhere, you don’t buy a new outfit to impress people, you stop using your favorite perfumes, and your beard becomes longer and longer every day. And of course, people start to lose communication skills. Offline flirting differs from online one. The screen makes us feel safe and comfortable. You can always interrupt the call, reschedule it, or say that the connection is not so good today. We forget how to treat real people. Men forget how to say sincere compliments, how to impress a real woman, and how to build good-quality interesting communication
with a woman whom they like when they see her in person. When you can touch her, take her hand, bring her flowers, and build chemistry between you. Losing offline communication skills makes people lonely in the end. That’s why a thousand friends on social media don’t mean anything and people stay single anyway.
Other priorities
It is absolutely fine that at different stages of our lives, we regularly change our priorities. That’s why for example it is not common for students to create families as education is a number one priority for them at this stage. Most modern young people also prefer to build a career before jumping into a very important stage called a “serious relationship”. We all agree on the fact that a person should be mature to create a family. That is correct unless a person is getting what she really wants. What if the standards that you keep are not the standards that make you happy? What if your student love was your one and only and the perfect match for you (and you will compare to her all the girlfriends you have after)? Putting the right priorities is a very important attribute of a harmonious life but being flexible will make you more adaptable to the life conditions you have every day. Yes, you can miss the moment of building the relationship with the right person. And yes, if you decide to drastically change your life, you will have to change your habits and attitude toward your priorities. Any good-quality relationship requires different investments, and first of all investments of time and your emotions. Unfortunately, people very often choose new goals but don’t change the instruments they use. Your perfect match will not knock on your door (if you are not a hero of a Hollywood movie of course). You have to put your relationship as a priority and make efforts to change your single status.
There is no magic pill. But there is good news: probably someone is already looking for you.
Negative experience
Since our childhood, we learn to avoid any situations or places that cause us physical or emotional pain. Our system of values changes during our life and different factors influence it. I’m sure if you think about a negative experience in a relationship, you will recall your friend whose heart was broken by some “femme fatale”. Or maybe your cousin went through a very painful divorce where they couldn’t maintain normal communication and see each other mostly in court. Or even worse, it’s you who have this negative experience of a broken heart and destroyed relationship. Maybe for some reason, you lost a person whom you loved and with whom you hoped to live a happy and long life. It also can be that your parents broke up and you were growing up in a family where your mom and dad couldn’t be present in your life at the same time. All these leave a mark on your life and you are afraid of this feeling when you can change nothing. When two people meet, they both change.
Sometimes we even don’t understand how strong is our influence on another person. You also can be someone’s sad story. But it doesn’t mean that any negative experience should influence all the relationships that you build further. A person who came into your life is not guilty of all the pain you felt before. She is not responsible for the words someone else said. Give yourself a chance to get to know her and give her a chance to become a new chapter in your life. Life is too short to waste it on doubts and excuses. While you are thinking about a possibility, another person might use it. We all at least once had the flu after the most delicious ice cream. Does it mean that you stopped loving it? It’s a too simple example but it shows that a negative experience can’t be a deal-breaker but it makes you learn to be more careful and attentive to your actions.
Wasted time
The worst thing that can be in a relationship is being alone while you have a partner. You have been together for several years already but your relationship hasn’t grown into a desirable family. You are not alone in the evenings but you don’t feel the desire to share your achievements with a person who sleeps in your bed. You pay the bills together but you have zero common interests or hobbies. This relationship obviously doesn’t make you happy but you are afraid to change anything. All big life changes are connected with a step out of your comfort zone. That’s why people don’t like them and very often just live in their everyday routine. Anyway, earlier or later such a relationship will be finished (the question is only who will be braver to say it out loud). Very often people after such relationships stay single for too long. They don’t want history to be repeated. Also, they might think that the problem is in them and they are not able to have a happy relationship. But every story is unique and a new person will bring a new story to your life. Just be honest with yourself, make the right conclusions, and move forward.
Lack of communication skills
Are communication skills so important if you don’t want to stay single? It’s the first and the most important instrument that can help you build a relationship. It’s very difficult to overestimate them. The only way to improve these skills is to practice. If you have one offline date in 2 years then it is not enough to build quality communication. Your communication skills are like muscles. The more you train the better results you get. The best improvisation is a prepared one. That’s why if you want to impress a person in front of you, it’s important to stay relaxed and self-confident and it is possible only when you meet people, interact with them, train your flirting skills, and remain a good listener. Online communication will never replace live communication. Learn how to make compliments, how to bring up interesting topics and discussions, and how to make your date unforgettable. Good communication skills are the key to a healthy relationship and also an opportunity to avoid misunderstandings and unsolved conflicts in the future.
Wrong strategy
Let’s be honest, many people stay single just because they use a wrong strategy while they are in search. Very often it’s connected with the wrong type of person whom they want to meet. If you want to create a family and have a baby within the next 2-3 years then it would be wrong to choose a lady who is actively building a successful career and just got a new promotion at work. If you want a lady who will choose you for your kind heart and the calm and comfortable life you lead then it would be wrong to look for a girl 20 years younger with a model look who has photos of her last trip to Bali on her Instagram. If you live in a small and cozy city and love it for the beautiful nature and clean and fresh air then it would be strange to choose a big city girl who knows in which restaurants the octopus is the most delicious. If you want to build the right dating strategy you should be honest with yourself first of all. Think about which qualities are really important for you and match your lifestyle and long-term goals. Also, think about what you really can offer to a lady who matches your picture. In a healthy relationship, you both take steps toward each other, it’s not a one-sided walk. If you feel that you need professional help in building your strategy and meeting the right person then you always can hire a team of professionals who will help you to spend your time efficiently and date potential matches with similar values and goals. It’s the best investment into the right dating strategy.
