As a professional matchmaker with 10 years of experience I can assure you that all clients both male and female do mistakes during the matchmaking process. It is inevitable. Dating is an emotional process and of course when feelings are involved it is sometimes really hard to be logical and rational and not to let your fears, negative and positive emotions get involved. Of course dating mistakes during the matchmaking process can be small and easy to fix or can be crucial and truly prevent us from achieving desired results. For example, today our female client has cancelled the date with our male client, because someone has scratched her car in the morning and she is in a really bad mood and believes this is a sign she shouldn’t go to this date with this man. Well, being superstitious while dating might prevent you from meeting many interesting people and perhaps starting a relationship.

In this article I would love to discuss with you top 3 mistakes men make during the matchmaking process:

Not listening to your matchmaker and doing it “your way”

This is the most common mistake and I still often don’t understand why a person hires a professional just to neglect his professional advice and as a result not fully uses the matchmaking service and is not benefiting from the experience and knowledge professional matchmaker could have share with a client. It reminds me of those people in gym who hire a personal trainer just to spend the training hour they have actually paid for talking on phone, taking selfies or arguing with trainer why this or that exercise won’t work. It is always a funny scene to watch when a slightly overweight man or woman who is seriously out of shape tries to prove a really athletic and healthy looking trainer why this exercise will “make her calves look huge and over exercised”. Have you witnessed such scenes in gym? Did you see the facial expression of the trainer on that exact moment? Well, sometimes when my client tries to convince me that buying flowers for the first date with a Ukrainian woman is a bad idea and won’t help him in the matchmaking process, then I have a feeling I do have lots in common with that trainer in that situation.

Hiding big or small “details” from your matchmaker or making lies

I can totally understand that it is not too pleasant to tell someone that you have seriously “fucked up” during the date. After all our ego is a precious fragile thing. It takes courage and a strong desire to achieve the results you want to tell someone else (or your matchmaker who is an important part of your matchmaking process) that you did some mistakes during the date. For example, a female client of mine not so long ago has called us right after the date to tell us that the date didn’t really go that well, because she was so stressed and nervous, that she was splitting water all the time and let her date do all the talking. Well, she didn’t get the second date with that gentleman, but now we know why she didn’t get it and we can work on it together, so that her matchmaking process will actually give her desired results. Another male client of mine has a really pushy personality. Probably it has something to do with his 10 years of experience in sales. All his dates have provided us with the feedback that he didn’t let them ask any questions or share any stories, because he did all the talking and it looked like he was auditioning for a new position. We have discussed such a scenario with our male client before the dates and he has promised to pay attention to the amount of time he was talking and the amount of time his dates would talk. He obviously didn’t do anything from what we have discussed with him though working on your dating mistakes is an important part of the matchmaking process. At the end of the day after the first dates he didn’t get any second dates. Trying to make himself feel better about his negative results or probably trying to convince me that something was wrong with his dates so now I have to arrange extra dates for him for free he came up with many stories why this or that date shouldn’t count as a date: “the hair of his date didn’t reach her shoulders”, “she has never mentioned that she wants to have kids”, “he didn’t know that her stepsister is a divorce lawyer”.

Trying not too hard or not trying at all

Sometimes clients think that if they have started the matchmaking process then they don’t have to put any effort into the process at all. Why should they? They have paid the professional to arrange the dates, so why to bother? On the one hand it is really so. The matchmaker and his team will prescreen all the dates, select and approve the best candidates with a client and arrange the dates. The client will just have to enjoy “the cream” of the process – the dates. On the other hand sometimes clients get too lazy and comfortable. For example, within 10 years of my professional matchmaking experience I have heard excuses like “why should I take other photos of myself, these two photos I have provided you with should work”. You try to explain the client that one of the photos is 10 years old and another is a group photo, so they definitely won’t work. I am not even mentioning that despite the fact you have hired a matchmaker and you have started the matchmaking process you still have to wash you hair and put on fresh clothes on the date. You still have to give a great impression on your date and your matchmaker won’t be there to spoon-feed you.

At the end of this article I would love to share some insights regarding the matchmaking process with you:

If you have decided to start the matchmaking process with the professional matchmaking company you get a great opportunity not just to go on dates with new people whom you otherwise would have never met, but also to learn a lot about yourself, your true life goals and priorities and to actually see how other people see you. We often hear it from our male and female clients that after going through matchmaking process not only they have changed their single status, but also they have changed the way they talk to the opposite sex in the office and now they have made many new friends, or they have changed the way they dress, start working out or learning a new foreign language. So when you start the matchmaking process positive attitude and commitment to the process is a must and of course don’t forget to listen to your matchmaker and use his dating tips, because after all not only you have already paid for them, but also you have already tried to do it your way and now you have a chance to try it “the new way”.

Svetlana Mukha, with love